To Each His Own Reality

So, I am in the library right now working on a 15 page research paper that is due in my Wednesday afternoon class for 50% of the grade. The current time is 12:30 a.m. About 10 minutes ago the library security guard, an older gentleman, came up to check my student I.D. (as non-students are not allowed in the library during midnight hours) and proceeded to chat with me. Here's the convo:

Guard: "You writing a paper?"
Me: "Yeah." (smiling)
Guard: "When's it due?"
Me: "Wednesday."
Guard: (with a look of disbelief on his face) "You must be a junior or senior or something."
Me: "Grad school."
Guard: "No wonder you are so far ahead."

Interesting. After he walked away, I sat here and thought about our convo for a little while. Here I have been stressing out today because I have non-chalantly put this paper off until the last few days before it is due. I have known about this paper ever since the beginning of the semester back in January. Most people in my class, that I have talked to, started researching for this paper weeks ago. Me? I started researching for it this past Saturday (well, started. I didn't really get anything done). Despite all this, I must still appear to be quite studious, when referencing the convo I just had with a total stranger.

So, if starting a big paper a few weeks before it is due is a good thing, yet starting a big paper a few days before it is due is also a good thing, then what exactly is "studious"? Wouldn't I still be just as "studious" if I started it the night before it was due, so long as I completed it? I suppose I might not learn as much due to being rushed. I don't know. I'm sleepy. Whatever the case, I feel better now about having put the paper off until now. I'm on top of my game -- in another's eyes.

AIM Convo of the Day

Me: did i tell you Leo [my cat] was killed?
My Cousin: nu uh!
Me: JUST KIDDING! Thought I'd give a scare or two.
Me: lol
My Cousin: i was like no way dude!
My Cousin: haha
Me: lol
Me: i'm morbid
Me: i think it runs in our fam
Me: u?
My Cousin: apparently it does
My Cousin: haha

Mental Illness: How Important Is The "Why?" ?

Just curious. This is related to a new form of therapy I am learning...

Do you think the "why's" (causes) of mental health difficulties matter more or less than the "solutions" to the difficulties? Also, how important do you think your past is? More specifically, how important do you think your past is when relating it to the mental health difficulties you may be experiencing today? Does the importance of the past depend on what the difficulty is, perhaps?

Picture yourself in this situation:

Suppose you had experienced depression (loss of appetite, lack of energy, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness, etc.) on and off again for the past six years. The last three weeks have been particularly bad. Now, suppose you finally decided to seek therapy for it. Great! Good for you.

Now, imagine yourself in your very first session with your therapist. Right off the bat, you notice that your therapist doesn't "appear" to be focusing on the "why" (cause) of your difficulties but, rather, he or she seems to be focusing on a solution to the difficulties you came in with. That's cool -- finding solutions. Makes sense, doesn't it?

But, suppose you do happen to ask your therapist, "Why do I feel like this?" and "Why is this such a chronic thing for me?," and your therapist replies, "The 'why' is not an area of focus for us. Neither is too much of the history of the depression. The only thing that you and I need to be focusing on is finding solutions to the difficulties that brought you in here today. Solutions! Solutions! Solutions! (okay... so maybe he or she does't actually shout "Solutions!" three times in a row, but you get the drift, right?)

The therapist proceeds further, asking you questions such as, "Were there any times during the past week that your depression didn't seem so bad? If so, what were you doing when it didn't seem so bad? Do you think you could do more of that?"

Suppose you say, "Well, there haven't been any good times."

The therapist then says, "Not ANY good times?".

You say, "Well, I guess it wasn't so bad when I went out with my friends last Friday night and saw Brokeback Mountain."

The therapist says, "So, you felt better when you were with your friends, huh?"

You say, "Yeah, I suppose so. Yeah, I did."

So, to end the session, your therapist says, "Well, I just want to compliment you on having coped well enough to make it in here to see me today. I know it is not easy," and continues "Before you see me next week, I'd like to give you a little task to do. No stress. This doesn't need to seem like a chore. But, what I'd like you to do is to, one day over the week, call up a friend or two and ask them to go hang out with you one night. Go see a movie again, if you'd like. Whatever you do, do it with friends. Do you think you can do that before I see you next time?"

"Sure. I guess I can try," you say. And then the session is over.

"See you next week," your therapist says.

Now, I'd like you to answer this question (and the questions at the beginning of this post): Would you, personally, have been satisfied with a session like this one?

Depression is a Dark Place

My new favorite music artist is Missy Higgins. I have been listening to her songs off and on all week (Go to her website, in the link above, and listen to her songs for free. A music player, where you can select and play songs, will be in the top right corner of the screen). The songs she sings are absolutely brilliant and she writes them herself too, which I really admire in singers. One of her songs that I first listened to tonight really struck me, so I wanted to blog about it here...

The song is called "Nightminds," and when I first heard it my eyes watered. The words in it are the very kind of words that I believe individuals struggling with depression desperately need to hear from at least someone that they love. Someone who can aid them in their lonely fight. Someone who cares and won't avoid them simply because "depressed people bring me down." Someone whose words are: True. Honest. Empathetic. Comforting. Encouraging. Social support and empathic understanding are critical factors in being able to come out of depression.

Depression is such a dark place that it is almost impossible to get out of it without someone there to lend us their hand and lead us out of the darkness...

"Nightminds"

Just lay it all down.
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know
I know
I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,

I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
out of our nightminds, and into the light
at the end of the fight...

You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, but the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know
I know
I know,
it's easier to let go.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
and into the light at the end of the fight.

Written by. Missy Higgins

P.S., If you listen to her songs, come back and tell me what you think!