Feeling "Close" to Someone
I'm desperate for advice.
Is something wrong with me?
Today I was playing pool (aka. "putting off homework") when this incredibly depressing feeling came over me (I hate this feeling and it hasn't visited me in quite some time). But anyway, it came about shortly after my aunt called me to ask me what we were doing for my brother when he gets here tomorrow (he is just getting out of the prison system). She said we need to have a celebration for him to show him that we're here for him and love him. It was really nice and I agreed that we should...
But, deep down, I felt guilty. I feel guilty because I don't feel as close to my brother anymore like I once did. When she said "celebration," I thought it was nice but I just didn't feel the joy and love that I could hear in my aunt's voice (her joy to the fact that he is getting out). To me, having my brother come stay with me this week seems as if I am having to make a new relationship with a total stranger. None of us have "known" Ben these past few years. I hate what drugs do to people. Anyway, is there something wrong with me for feeling so "blunted" about the whole situation? Despite being a pretty emotional person, I worry about this lack of emotion in these areas...
When my grandma died in June, I honestly wasn't sad at all. I don't think I cried one tear. Is this unusual? When she died, I was not sad at all because, at the time, I recognized that she was 94 years old and in a lot of pain and that death was something near and inevitable. I believe she went to Heaven. Maybe things would have been harder for me had her memory been in tact over the past few years and had her kidneys not failed. I think the fact that we hadn't had a coherent conversation for about two years before her death made me feel not as close to her when she did die. I still, of course, love my grandma and I miss seeing her but still...
Is there something wrong with me? Should I maybe be feeling something "more" from all this? Why is it that there are some people in our lives that we (a) feel so close to and, when we do depart, we still feel close despite the time and distance (aka. high school friends you're still in touch with) and others that we (b) feel so close to, then depart, and then don't feel close to them anymore after a certain amount of time (aka. my brother)? Is this just me? Have you ever experienced "a" and/or "b"? For those people in category "b" that we no longer feel close to, does that mean that we didn't love them enough to begin with? or maybe that we did but that time simply changed things?
What do you think?
Is something wrong with me?
Today I was playing pool (aka. "putting off homework") when this incredibly depressing feeling came over me (I hate this feeling and it hasn't visited me in quite some time). But anyway, it came about shortly after my aunt called me to ask me what we were doing for my brother when he gets here tomorrow (he is just getting out of the prison system). She said we need to have a celebration for him to show him that we're here for him and love him. It was really nice and I agreed that we should...
But, deep down, I felt guilty. I feel guilty because I don't feel as close to my brother anymore like I once did. When she said "celebration," I thought it was nice but I just didn't feel the joy and love that I could hear in my aunt's voice (her joy to the fact that he is getting out). To me, having my brother come stay with me this week seems as if I am having to make a new relationship with a total stranger. None of us have "known" Ben these past few years. I hate what drugs do to people. Anyway, is there something wrong with me for feeling so "blunted" about the whole situation? Despite being a pretty emotional person, I worry about this lack of emotion in these areas...
When my grandma died in June, I honestly wasn't sad at all. I don't think I cried one tear. Is this unusual? When she died, I was not sad at all because, at the time, I recognized that she was 94 years old and in a lot of pain and that death was something near and inevitable. I believe she went to Heaven. Maybe things would have been harder for me had her memory been in tact over the past few years and had her kidneys not failed. I think the fact that we hadn't had a coherent conversation for about two years before her death made me feel not as close to her when she did die. I still, of course, love my grandma and I miss seeing her but still...
Is there something wrong with me? Should I maybe be feeling something "more" from all this? Why is it that there are some people in our lives that we (a) feel so close to and, when we do depart, we still feel close despite the time and distance (aka. high school friends you're still in touch with) and others that we (b) feel so close to, then depart, and then don't feel close to them anymore after a certain amount of time (aka. my brother)? Is this just me? Have you ever experienced "a" and/or "b"? For those people in category "b" that we no longer feel close to, does that mean that we didn't love them enough to begin with? or maybe that we did but that time simply changed things?
What do you think?
posted by Holly at 3:00 PM
2 Comments:
Holly: Okay, I don't know if this really has anything to do with this, but it was just the first thing to pop into my head...i'll have to give this situation some more thought and get back to you later, BUT...
I was thinking, maybe it has something to do with what each person is getting out of the relationship. This will sound selfish, but I've ALWAYS thought that everything we do in this life can be traced back to ourself, but anyways...
Maybe in relationships "b" you, or the person who doesn't seem to "feel" the situation anymore is the person that wasn't getting anything out of the situation (or at least wasn't anymore). For instance, with your grandma, like you said, since she wasn't there cognitively the last few years, it would be easy for you not to be "getting" much more out of that relationship as you had in the past. As for your brother, maybe it is similar.
I'm hittin' the shower, but I'll give this one some more thought. That was just what IMMEDIATELY popped into my head.
Hey Holly! Great post. My thoughts are that all relationships have ups and downs in them. Sometimes you feel really close to a person and other times not so close. Fortunately, that is unrelated to the amount of love in the relationship. The love is always present, even when you're physically or emotionally distant the other person. I don't think that helps you very much, Suzie
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