"What You See Is What You Can Be"

The other day I was looking over the John Maxwell book "Developing the Leader Within You" and decided I am going to read that book again. I find the study of leadership intriguing. This guy (Maxwell) is a genius when it comes to the subject of leadership -- it is difficult for me to put his books down after beginning them. One inspiring quote from his book is "What you see is what you can be." I didn't always believe this about myself...

One thing about my life that my mom said she has noticed is that I tend to surround myself with highly intellectual and/or unique people. I think I have to agree with her! People of all kinds intrigue me -- but especially these people. They are rare. To be in their presence is to be in the presence of a walking Renior or Monet -- they are living art. These people remind me that I am alive! At first, though, back in the days -- I often felt inferior around these people. I sometimes spent so much time admiring them that I failed to notice and admire those same qualities in myself. It took me a long time to realize that I am just as good as they are -- but I did realize it and I did it with the help of some friends -- and my parents, and my teachers, and book's like Maxwell's, and God.

Angie Wu. Now there's one of those "living art" friends I was talking about! I met Angie in highschool (I think I was a junior at the time) and she was on the tennis team with me. She and I became great friends right off the bat. Some of the first things I noticed about her were that she always seemed to be reading a new book, or making something artistic -- she is an excellent painter, or making straight A's and recieving big awards in school while being highly involved (I think she was even president of Beta club at some point). She and I would sit for hours talking about Philosophy -- things like life on other planets, religious philosophy, human relations philosophies -- it is probably an endless, intriguing list but...

Although we talked intellectually, I never felt "good enough" or "smart enough" to be her friend. I remember saying stuff like, "Well, I just can't do that -- I'm not good at stuff like you are -- I can't do the things you can." Finally one day, years down the road, we were riding in my car and I said something of that nature as usual and Angie said, "Holly, honestly, I don't know why you think that way about yourself. You are very gifted and I think you just don't give yourself any credit. You have a very low self-esteem." This statement stunned me -- she really thought that about me? She knocked some sense into me. From then on, although my esteem was still low, I began searching and attempting to view things differently and I actually began believing in myself...

At ACU I really buckled down on the studying and even enhanced my love for learning. I gradually did things and met other intellectuals (friends, teachers, etc.) whom I learned valuable things from and who, also, helped me build more on my self-esteem. By the time I graduated ACU last year, I felt the most confident I had ever felt in my life -- and still do. I mean, there will always be times when I doubt myself -- but I have learned to quickly stop those negative thoughts. The key to success is in choosing to have a good attitude and positive outlook. I honestly, without having to say it to "make myself feel good", know that I can be what I see and I can do what I want to do. All I needed was a little dose of reality mixed with a little self-esteem. Self-esteem is so important -- when we lose our esteem we tend to forget who we are and the things we are capable of -- and we are all capable of something great. Leadership is important because it's needed in school, in your field of study, in your work, in your family, in your church, in your community, and in all of society. All that's left, once you get there, is for you to ensure you do it effectively and morally!

Anyway, here are some quotes I have taken from Maxwell's book that I really love:

"The higher you go, the longer it takes."

"You will only become what you are becoming now."

"There is nothing more difficult to undertake, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success than introducing change."

"I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90% how I react to it."

"Everyone has times when they feel bad. Our attitudes cannot stop our feelings, but they can keep our feelings from stopping us."

"If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don't. If you'd like to win but think you can't, It's almost certain you won't. Life's battles don't always go To the stronger or faster man, But sooner or later, the man who wins Is the man who thinks he can."

"People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care"

"People tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will become."

"What you see is what you can be."

Four Vision Levels of People:
1) Some people never see it. (They are wanderers).
2) Some people see it but never pursue it on their own. (They are followers).
3) Some people see it and pursue it. (They are achievers).
4) Some people see it and pursue it and help others see it. (They are leaders).

- Holly

Some People Never Really Change

Some people never really change – at least not for a long, long time. I’ve known people like this and I’ve probably been one of them at some point or another. However, by saying "some people never really change" I am referring to people that never really try change for the better. Allow me to explain:

The other day I was typing the names of people I have known in my past into a search engine to see what, if any, information about them would come up. One of their names popped up and I clicked the link, only to find this about them:

"[name] of [street], [city]: Possession of a controlled substance, methamphetamine, state jail felony."

This person was once a roommate of mine as well as one of the first best friends I made in college and I was there, in her life, when she got onto the wrong path that has now led her to the jail she is in today and let me just say... I HATE what drugs can do to a person – it can hurt everyone around them:

[To save her from further disgrace I will call this former roommate "Jen" in place of her real name] Jen was one of the first best friends I ever made in college – I know that is a special thing since it has often been said that we make some of our life long best friends during college. When we became friends, I was very excited because I was beginning to see the truth behind that saying. Jen and I would laugh about one day having to room together in a nursing home as we had roomed together in college. We’d get to have wheelchair races and tell each others kids about all the silly things the other had done in earlier years. It still makes me kind of sad to think that those days are never going to arrive. Not too long after these fun ideas, Jen’s life began going downhill...

Frail. A few months later she began looking frail. Often, Jen would come into our dorm room throwing up and not wanting to go to tennis practice nor be around anyone. I had no idea what was wrong with her so I would leave the room and let her have her peace. She hated school and skipped classes a lot. She wanted to hang out less and less with all her "old" friends like me – the people who actually cared about her life. Her new friends were from the Dallas area, hard-core druggies. I remember one of them bragging about the fact that he had AIDS but was still sleeping with girls who were unaware of it.

One night Jen came in and asked me for a dollar bill -- luckily I didn't have one but our other friend did. She then went into our room, stood right in-front of me, rolled the bill up and snorted cocaine through it. I was in shock. It hurt me to see that. So I said to her, "Jen, please don’t do that," and she lashed out, "you’re not my f****** mother!"... this was the beginning of many "pleas" and fights with her. Several nights a week she’d be tripping off of acid and crank. It was very scary and sad for all of us, mainly the tennis team, who were her friends. We knew that stuff could be deadly in large enough doses.

Here’s a poem I wrote about it during all this to illustrate things:

I REMEMBER:

Staying up so very late,

talking through the night.

Standing by you thick and thin,

taking your side no matter what.

Laughing with you like a sister

and partying when we were bored.

Watching you change in little ways

and seeing you drift so slowly away.

Asking you what had happened to you,

knowing that you wouldn't tell me.

Seeing your brain cells snorted away,

feeling the hurt of being your friend.

Telling you to say "no" the next time,

but seeing you hide from me that day.

Holding rusted memories in my hand,

praying for God to make this world right.

Still laughing with you like a sister –

but picking out a black funeral dress.

By. Hollylovebug

That is how all of us -- her friends and family -- felt when all this was going on. Sad, very sad. One of the big reasons I hate drugs is because they change a person into something they’re not – I know because Jen’s behavior changed drastically. I had not known her to be this way before – and the other’s agreed. I had had enough. I gave her the chance to apologize and change her way but she refused. The drugs had taken over her mind and body. I didn’t know who she was anymore. I ended the friendship that she had begun ending – it was just too much to handle. A few weeks later she got kicked out of school for missing too many classes (I had tried to get her to go to them but she cussed me out for that too). I didn’t say goodbye or anything because I didn’t see the point of saying goodbye to someone I didn’t even know [anymore].

I wonder if she ever sits there in her cell now, with all of that free time on her hands, silently crying to herself, "God, help me. I have thrown away so many people in my life. Forgive me." I hope she does. Maybe this is the only way she can come to know the error of her ways.

- Holly