Caring For Your Aging Parents/Guardians

Currently, I am doing some research for one of my classes on issues surrounding “aging family members.” I didn’t think I’d like this topic very much yet it has been quite stirring.

Below is a section from a good book I checked out called “Taking Care of Your Aging Family Members: A Practical Guide” by. Nancy Hooyman and Wendy Lustbader (1986). I felt some strong emotional reactions after reading this section (perhaps because I have older parents than most people my age and realize that, someday soon, my siblings and I will be in the position of taking care of my parents) and, thus, wanted to share it in a blog. After reading it, I’d like you to answer some or all of my questions below the excerpt.

Excerpt:

“The touching that is inherent in assisting with personal care almost always makes family members speak more tenderly and immediately than would otherwise be possible between them. For example, a daughter who helps her mother button her blouse each morning while recovering from a stroke may talk on a more personal level than she has ever previously ventured with her mother. It is difficult to hold on to past anger or resentment while buttoning someone’s clothes or helping with other tasks requiring physical contact. The sight of a parent unable to get out of a chair or into a nightgown without assistance is emotionally moving to even the most embittered children, often provoking conciliatory gestures and remarks that have been absent for years” (p. 15).

Questions:

1) What emotional reactions (e.g., sadness, fear, joy, etc.) do you have after reading this excerpt?

2) If one or more of your parents/guardians are still living and yet you are too young to have an aging parent/guardian for whom you must provide care for, but for whom you might have to be responsible for in the future, how does it make you feel to think about potentially having to provide such care for one or both of them in the future?

3) If you have ever had an aging parent/guardian (or any family member/loved one for that matter) who could not dress or bathe themselves and for whom you had to aide in doing so, what were your feelings on that?

4) Finally, what do you think about the statement “It is difficult to hold onto past anger or resentment while buttoning someone’s clothes or helping with other tasks requiring physical contact”?

Thanks!