Thoughts & Occurances From a Runaway Train

·I’m coming to an age where I sometimes feel jealous of younger, more athletic people than I. Hell, I had all that once. Oh, but, how do I get it back again? Can I get it back again? Sometimes I really believe I can.

·I spend part of my life being mad at God, other times loving God, and sometimes questioning whether I still believe in God at all. God, I’m only human.

·You can spend your days being angry and incarcerated or you can spend your days being relatively pleasant and planning your escape. We all do both at times – but I’d prefer to dig my hole, I mean, my tunnel.

·You know, I really don’t like stamps. Buying them. Licking them. Placing the little bastards on envelopes already containing payments as if 41 cents added to a $219 payment is nothing. What’s 41 cents anyway? A start.

·At work a while back, while I was training someone, a patient the trainee and I were working on (hospice placement) coded. All these doctors and nurses ran into the room. The patient was, however, a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). The patient died. The doctors left the room. The nurses left the room. Someone closed the door. People went on back to their daily routines as if nothing unusual had happened. I sometimes wonder if anyone else in the hall felt anything for the fifty years of life that had just fluttered into the unknown that day.

·In life there will always be someone who seems greater than you – with greater experience than you. With greater knowledge than you. With greater power than you. But, this does not mean you yourself are not great, greater in another way, or potentially greater.

·I’ve always loved the concept of multiple intelligences. Fascinating.

·My mom has always enjoyed reading fantasy/fiction novels. I never quite understood why someone would want to spend precious moments of their life outside of reality. So, one day I asked her and she said she sees so much reality each day that sometimes she just likes to escape into fantasy. I know this sounds so simple – leaving reality for fantasy – but oh how difficult it is for adults to feel the awe associated with fantasy like that. What a pleasure it must be to actually enjoy it again…

·Math is interesting. Some aspects of it seem to train the mind to think about possibilities and probabilities and many great things, while other aspects of it appear to train the mind to expect just one, simple answer. Interesting in application to life. So finicky.

·One of the worst habits a person can fall into is perfectionism. Expecting to do everything on the job perfect. Expecting the job to treat you perfect. Expecting to be a perfect friend. Expecting friends to be perfect. Expecting the perfect family. Expecting the family to be perfect. Expecting the perfect life. Expecting the perfect mood. Expecting the perfect words. Expecting perfect to be perfect.

·Sometimes it seems as if life just flies by so fast. Too fast.

·An old friend of mine is still doing drugs. I suppose I can’t expect perfection, can I? You know, I sometimes think about how some drugs should probably be legalized because, well, most people these days seem to try them at some point in their lives anyway (pot, for the most part). However, then I think about that old friend of mine, the one who has spent the last eight years destroying so many precious relationships around them. Is it really worth it? You know, we only live once. The minutes tick by on the clock and then suddenly 75 years doesn't quite seem like such a long time anymore.

·Finally, do you sometimes feel as if God – if there is a God somewhere – is writing about you in a new Bible? Writing about the pain you went through. Discussing the lessons you learned. Describing the blessings that came to you. Reflecting upon what you taught others in your life and what others taught you. Do you ever just wonder…