Cognitions of a One of a Kind Mind

"Soccer Player Dies During Game" Site Hits

2008-11-30T21:08:00.000-08:00

Just an interesting observation:

I have a tracker on my blog telling me the general locations (e.g., city and country) of people who visit this site. If a visitor to my site has located my site via a search engine (e.g., Google) then this tracker will typically show the search words the visitor entered into the search engine that brought them to my site.

Interestingly, in the past few years, I have had literally hundreds of hits on my site by people from all over the world who are entering the search words "Soccer Player Dies During Game."

This search term brings them to this blog post of mine from 2006 which features the YouTube video of then 24 year old Hungarian soccer player, Miklos Feher, who collapsed on the field and died of a heart attack during a soccer game back in 2004.

It is obviously a very profound video. Very sad. Quite disturbing, actually. It makes me want to ask each individual who visits my site with this seach term the question, "What drew you to conduct this search?" I can imagine there would be an array of answers.

Interesting, indeed.

The Long Road (To Dry Hair)

2008-11-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

Difficult times in life are, in a sense, like blowdrying one's hair. You've spent a great deal of your morning in the shower, preparing for another day. You get out of the shower and then subconsciously think to yourself, "I've still gotta blowdry my hair. Damn it, I absolutely hate blowdrying my hair!" But, deep down, you know you must do the deed (no, not THAT deed) if you are to do anything with your day.

Therefore, you pull out the dryer, flick it on, and sit there waving the thing back and forth over your head as if you're practicing to lead an orchestra. In the first few minutes, you feel as if you are never going to get through it. You've been blowdrying your hair, using all the motions you can think of - including bending over and flipping your hair (not quite the bend and snap) in a desperate blowdrying attempt - and yet your hair continues to be wet.

For a moment you begin to feel hopeless. You think - why? Why me? Why this freaking stupid thick hair? Then, suddenly, as if out of nowhere, you notice a little dry strand! A few more minutes pass and you notice it is even more dry. Finally, voila! You are done! Not only that, you know you think you look sexy and proceed to wink at yourself in the mirror!

In the end, all the shit you went through was worth it and you can finally see the end result. Do most people think this in-depth about the experience of blowdrying their hair? Probably not. In fact, one might argue that, on a much larger scale, people often forget to think that there is light (or dry hair) at the end of that long, long tunnell.

By. Holly H.

I Stand

2008-11-16T21:19:00.001-08:00

I stand outside your door and watch as others try to assist you. Your agitated behavior makes it very difficult for the staff to leave you alone. They must watch over you constantly so that you do not hurt yourself. A lady asks you what time it is - it's 4:00. She asks you if you know where 4:00 is on the clock. You raise your once strong but now rather weak arm and make an effort to point to the clock. Those who are watching you are desperately hoping you know where 4:00 is, but to be honest it's really hard to tell if you know for sure. They go on and tell you, "very good." Very good.

I stand inside your door and gaze upon the pictures of you which your loved ones have strung up around the room. There you were, before this happened to you. The smile on your face tells one you never could have predicted that you would be here, in this serious place, right now. Your young skin, your young wife, your young child - all forever changed. From your picture I can see you once wore an earring. The clothes you wore were rather stylish, too. Your personality must have been quite vibrant. One can only imagine you were once very happy. For now we can only hope that, perhaps one day, you and everyone else will be very happy again.

I stand outside your door again and listen to your mumbled cries, "Help me! Help me!"

I will do my very best.

Secret Images on Google Earth

2008-11-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

Go to this link and check out this video (the poster doesn't give a link to where I could simply embed the video on this blog):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dto3mB__0Io

I thought it sounded a little fishy at first until I pulled up Google Earth (and regular Google Maps satellite imagery) myself and located the images. I also located some of them through TerraServer , another satellite imaging service.

Here are the coordiates for some of the images (you can look them up by typing in the coordinates on TerraServer):

37"37'41.16" N ; 116"50'54.22" W - Some suggest this symbol was placed by the Illuminati.

37"24'04.94" N ; 116"52'04.38" W - Interesting star.

19"56'56.40" S ; 69"38'01.40" W - Gigante de Atacama.

Here is what Wikipedia states about that last coordinate:

"The Atacama Giant (Spanish: Gigante de Atacama) is a large anthropomorphic geoglyph in the Atacama Desert, Chile.Located at "Cerro Unitas", this is the largest prehistoric anthropomorphic figure in the world with a height of 86 meters and represents a deity for the local inhabitants from 1000 to 1400 AD."

Interesting.

Things On My Mind

2008-08-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

I have been a medical social worker, in a large metropolitan county hospital, for about two years now. I have come to believe I have a rather bipolar relationship with my job. There are periods I go through in which I absolutely love what I do, and then there are other times when I play scenes in my mind of turning in my letter of resignation to my boss and saying #%@! it all. I don’t know if it’s being a social worker, or more specifically being a medical social worker, but sometimes I find some of what we do to be a little traumatic and I guess it is at those moments when the thoughts of “moving on” – or at least taking a vacation - come to mind.

Lately, I often find myself thinking of death. Don’t worry, not in that way. But, more so, in a somewhat traumatized manner. In my job, I work with a lot of trauma patients and a lot of patients whom are just really, really sick. I see people come in after car accidents who have become paralyzed, either partially or fully. One can see the worst of brain injuries from the craziest, or even simplest, of accidents. There are some people who come in with infections and end up getting an amputation of some sort. Then, there are those whom are actively dying of a terminal illness such as cancer or HIV whom we must speak w/ the person or their family about end of life choices. Your heart goes out to all these people. It can be a lot to take in sometimes.

To elaborate on things, I suppose this experience has made me a little more aware of just how fragile life and this capsule – called the human body – really is. I’m now a little more careful day to day and a lot more afraid each day of losing someone I love. With myself, for instance, I try to be a more vigilant driver. Also, a while back I nearly slipped and fell backwards on this disgusting puddle of sludge on the sidewalk in front of my condo. The next day, I called the office and spoke with the property manager and asked them to please clean up the sludge as it was an accident waiting to happen (in my mind I was thinking it was a traumatic brain injury waiting to happen, but I left out all that technical jargon when speaking w/ the property manager). They cleaned it up that day. A few years ago, I probably would have never said anything about it.

The other day, I recalled a conversation in my mind from several months ago that I had with a nurse that I work with who is about my age. She asked me if I was married (she herself is married) and I told her no. She asked if I were dating and I again said no. Then I told her I really don’t see myself as ever getting married. With a look of astonishment, she said something like, “Holly, you have to get married! You see the people who come into this hospital with no spouses, etc. They are alone and have nobody. You don’t want to end up like that.” I didn’t say much at the time but it did make me feel a little down at the time. I suppose I could get involved in a relationship just for the sake of getting involved and having someone there for me and showing the world that I am in their eyes “normal,” but I don’t want that, at least not now. For now, I am the patient with no spouse and no kids – and I am okay with that, today anyway.

I’m not real sure why I’ve written this blog tonight. I suppose, maybe just to get some things off my mind. My aunt has been in the hospital for a really long time now following a stroke. I have not gone to see her ever since the stroke and she has been in a hospital that is literally only a few minutes from where I work. Today I was told they are talking about putting her on hospice as she now has heart failure. I haven’t been to visit her all this time because, I think, in my mind I feel like maybe she will get better and then maybe I won’t have to deal with a tragedy in my personal life like I do day in and day out, Mondays through Fridays, at my job. Selfish, I know. Life just isn’t very simple.

Maybe I’ll go see her this week…

Prayer and Opportunity

2008-06-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

This week I watched the movie, "Evan Almighty," with my family. Here is a quote from the film I really like:

God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

And that's that.

P.S. The picture above was taken at my mom and dad's house apprx. 4 years ago. Isn't it beautiful?

Disturbing: Marine Throws Puppy Off Cliff

2008-06-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

I originally watched this video on MSNBC.com today. The Marine Corp. has apparently expelled the soldier that tossed the puppy. It disgusts me to think that even a dollar of our hard earned tax dollars are going to this idiot and, even more, that we put guns into the hands of crazy loons like this guy:

US Soldier throws puppy off cliff - Watch more free videos

Death

2008-05-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

I work in a fast-paced, hospital environment. In hospitals, death is around every corner at any minute – whether it be looming over a patient in the ICU, or hovering over you yourself, unbeknownst to you. So far, I can recall a few occasions where I have actually spoken with a patient and then sometime later the patient had either suddenly, or expectedly, died for whatever reason. In the hospital, it is never easy to confront the issue of death but, when it does occur, one employed there is expected to resume their duties and continue caring for those whom are still living that day. There are constant reminders of life’s fragility, at a fast pace, whether we want to be reminded or not. Some of us push aside these reminders, while others dwell upon them as they lay in bed at night.

Earlier this week, I learned one of my coworkers and friends passed away. After work on Tuesday, she walked into her home, told her husband she wasn’t feeling well, and then had a massive heart attack and died instantly. I had been up on one of my units, multitasking on several cases at once, when one of my coworkers came up and told me the terrible news. I had about five minutes to process it before I had to return pages, answer phone calls, talk to patients’ family members, etc. In a seemingly conditioned manner, I did not give myself much time to process what had happened. Actually, it wasn’t until the end of the week before I was really able to do so.

As I set down at my desk late Friday and gathered all I would need to be on call Monday, Memorial Day, I looked up at the top shelf on my desk and noticed two figurines. My coworker had given these to me on two different occasions over the past few months. One was an angel and the other a devil. She had taken them both off of her desk during times when I sat and visited with her in her office and said, “Here you go. I want you to have this.” She was always giving me, and others, random little things like that – a thoughtful and selfless person who truly cared for the well-being of others.

I’ve thought off and on about seeing her on Tuesday, only a short time before she was to leave this earth. My coworker and I were eating lunch in the conference room when she knocked on the door to notify my coworker that a patient’s family member was outside the door needing to speak with him. She kept apologizing for interrupting our lunch and I simply told her it was no big deal. She looked perfectly healthy at that moment. I myself was all relaxed and carefree in that moment. Had I known she’d soon be in the ground, I would have panicked and, in the end, I would have said, “Thank you,” to her for all she was.

So, since I didn’t say it then, I can only say it now… “Thank you.”

Here It Is

2008-05-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

This week's season finale of Grey's Anatomy was absolutely amazing! The episode was the most revealing of the season, with an array of shockers, deep-seated emotions, and much to be thankful for, all coming out into the open.

Here is the second to last song that was played in the finale, which I know many of you are wondering about. I love it! It's called, "The Quest," by Bryn Christopher:

"Yes We Can"

2008-05-18T21:07:00.001-07:00

A very popular video on YouTube:

A Weekend of Missy Higgins

2008-05-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to the concert of my favorite female artist, Missy Higgins, at La Zona Rosa in Austin, Texas. Missy Higgins is one of the top female artists in Australia and is currently touring in the U.S. This concert was by far the most amazing musical event I have been to in years, if not during my whole life. It was interesting to literally watch her songs touch people in the audience to the point that the people were crying. One of the many things that make Missy Higgin’s music so special is that she not only sings in the most beautiful voice while playing both guitar and keyboard, but she also writes her own lyrics as well. Her music is so intelligent, with such depth and insight into the world around us all.

Thus, below, I have decided to share two videos of her singing two different songs that I absolutely love. The first song is, “The Sound of White,” which is apparently (according to what I have heard, examined, and read online) a song she wrote for a close friend of hers that passed away and it is absolutely beautiful, haunting. The second song, “Nightminds,” is – according to myself and many of her fans – about being there for a loved one with bipolar disorder and getting through its highs and lows together. Be sure to listen closely to the words in these songs, as the stories they tell are most beautiful.

The Sound of White

Nightminds

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

2008-05-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Throughout the years, I have seen and heard stories in the news about the organization called, "PETA" (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). I have never really given much thought to the purpose of the PETA organization. Quite frankly, while growing up and living in Texas, home to bull riding and other such animal-involved sports, I have heard people - even some in Hollywood - poke fun at this group.

Tonight, however, I was driven to visit their website for more information regarding their position on Saturday's euthanization of Eight Belles, the filly that, only minutes after finishing second at this year's Kentucky Derby, had to be euthanized after breaking her ankles. What I found on the PETA website was quite disturbing as well as eye opening.

The following video, from the PETA website, exhibits animal cruelty inside Chinese fur farms. I found it very difficult to watch. However, it is important for anyone who is an animal lover, or whom even calls themselves a compassionate human being, to see.

NOTE: This is a very graphic video, so view it at your own risk:

Pledge to go fur-free at PETA.org.

www.peta.org

Free Rice

2008-04-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

The other day, there was a unique segment on the evening news that caught my attention. It was about a website called Free Rice (www.freerice.com). Apparently, Free Rice is an online vocabulary game people can play for free - and then some. For each word the person gets correct, the website donates 20 grains of rice to the United Nations World Food Program (WFP) to feed those in need around the world.

Again, it is free for you to play. The rice is paid for by those who advertise on Free Rice.com. So, while you are caught up in the vocabulary extravaganza, don't forget to check out the advertisements on the site!

Finally, if you enjoy learning and using new vocabulary words like I do (and even if you don't), you should know this game can only make you more intelligent while, at the same time, doing a great thing for the world. After all, knowledge is power!

Drunken Friend's Tampon

2008-04-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I was talking with a friend who told me this very interesting story about a time that she and some of her gal pals went on vacation to Vegas. She has given me permission to type the tale in this blog. As you read, keep in mind the question, "What would you do for a friend?"

The story begins...

The girls, a group of three or four friends, went out to dinner one evening there at one of the ritziest dining locations in all of Vegas. Celebrities, my friend said, are known to frequent this restaurant location. Throughout the evening, my friend and her gal pals had several alcoholic beverages to drink. At the end of the night, it was apparent one of the girls had drunk to the point of drunkenness.

As they exited the restaurant that night, the drunken girl came to the sudden realization she had to pee and that she could not hold it in. Without a care in the world, she promptly dropped her pants and panties right there on the sidewalk, squatted, and began peeing. She didn't seem to care that Brad Pitt, or the police for that matter, might have been lurking right around the corner of this posh hub.

Still peeing, my friend had to prop the girl up to make sure she didn't tumble. While doing this, my friend happened to notice the girls' panties. Besides getting drunk, the girl had also, unbeknownst to herself, started her period. Her white pants now donned a not so stylin' crimson spot in the crotch.

Astonished, the girls asked their friend if she knew she had started her period. Not seeming to mind, the girl looked down at her panties and replied, "Oh yeah, it looks like I did!" La dee da. So, the group of friends helped the girl to stand up and then got her back to the hotel room where she immediately passed out on the bed.

Many friends would have simply called it a night at this point, but not these girls...

Since their drunken friend was now passed out cold and obviously incapable of good hygiene for a few hours, one of the girls began to ponder, "Should we change her tampon?" Hmm.

My friend said she thought real hard about it but then decided she couldn't bring herself to do such a thing. However, one girl in the group did step up to the challenge. As my friend described, this girl must have had, "the spirit of a nurse."

It was a simple case of out with the old and in with the new as the willing friend simply pulled out the old, bloodied tampon, and put in a new, fresh one for her friend. Then, the night was over. The girls all got a good night's sleep, no worries.

Now, ask yourself this question:

"Would I change my drunken friend's tampon?"

Would you?

Respect

2008-04-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

The word, “respect,” is a simple yet powerful, and often taken for granted, word. It’s not just that this little word is the title of a frequently belted out song, but one can argue that respect is also one of the greatest of human desires.

A legend once said, “I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me… All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.” There is not a quote that better verbalizes this desire than the one above by baseball great Jackie Robinson. Have you ever sensed these exact words emanating from another person while in the midst of speaking with them?

In working with my patients, I see and hear many different life stories. Indeed, each person I work with has a unique identity, an idiosyncratic story comprised of any array of experiences and perceptions. However, one consistent thing I have noticed when counseling my patients, and/or their families for that matter, is their seemingly common, and typically unspoken, desire to feel respected.

Sometimes, as I have learned when speaking with patients, having all the right answers at hand is far less important than conveying to that patient that you respect and care about them due to the simple fact that they are human, capable of both fallacy and accuracy. This is a basic concept in working with any patient and is part of the rapport-building phase of a professional working relationship. Yet, often enough, I see how easy it can be for people to skip this basic and most important step in their professional relationships with others – and often in their personal relationships, for that matter.

Part of conveying this respect to others first involves self-examination to know ones own values, fears, and biases. One must learn to be aware of these and recognize when or if they might interfere with ones professional judgment. Becoming aware means knowing your views like the size of your shoes (yes, that rhymes). In working with patients, one then learns to convey respect through active listening, genuine interest in what the other person is communicating, and having true empathy for the individual. Pretty Rogerian, isn’t it?

In closing, none of the aforementioned is always easy and, even more, no human is consistently, if ever, perfect. Sometimes we get tired. Other times we feel stressed or maybe even depressed. However, we should do our very best in striving not to let these things get in our way of showing true respect to others based on the simple fact that they are human as we ourselves are human.

Lessons Learned

2008-03-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

This past year has been a trying, yet rewarding one in which I feel I have grown the most thus far in my twenty-six years. In many ways, I am the same person I was before; however, I have changed quite a bit. Sometimes I find this change frightening for whatever reason, but for the most part I find it rewarding and challenging. A big part of my thinking in this regard has to do with the career I began back in November of 2006 as a social worker.

First, there are several reasons for why I chose to pursue the studies of Psychology and Social Work as I did. I had always desired to have a greater understanding of the nature that is human and I always wanted to be able to understand myself in greater detail. Further, there was that much needed desire to be able to effectively and efficiently assist others through the tough times in their lives. As an additive, it is my belief that one who denies that one reason for going into one of these fields is for personal enhancement is either lying or doing himself or herself a sheer injustice as a professional. Whatever the case, today I find myself in an aspect of the Social Work profession that I never quite thought I’d stay in as long as I have – medical social work. I admit, I was very stressed out at first and I hated it. However, I have grown to love it.

A wise man named John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Isn’t this so true? In my line of work, I see this sort of thing everyday – everyday people experiencing a significant change of plan: The youthful man that comes to the United States to earn more money to better support his wife and children – only to end up being hurt on the job, a newly diagnosed tetraplegic (the new term for “quadriplegic”).

Imagine the sudden realization that you are not going to be able to move your body for the rest of your life. Your existence now depends upon those around you. Who will be there for you? What family members, friends, or nurses aides will now be bathing and shaving you, seeing your naked body? Who will stand beside you, and who might forget about you or even neglect you? Will someone be there for you? Would you yourself be willing to give up everything in order to care for someone you love? These are difficult questions to ponder. In my work, I have seen the dirty truth come out in these questions. But, I have also seen the gift of love at it's best.

It is the hundreds of persons and families like these that I have worked with and counseled over this past year that continue to help me to grow both personally and professionally. They have been constant reminders to me over the year of the most valuable, and often taken for granted, gifts in life: family and friends; health and mobility; cognition; and education - just to name a few.

In working with the indigent population that I do, I have also grown a profound respect for my profession’s value of social justice. There are those members of society, feeling fortunate, who are quick to place judgement. We, as humans, all judge at times. But certain persons, some in power, thoughtlessly and quickly throw out words like, "trailer trash." They are quick to say, "stupid faggot." Quick to declare someone a "worthless human being."

But then, I have learned, there are those whom are called, perhaps by a higher power, to stand up for those whom society oppresses based on characteristics such as race, gender, sexual orientation, age, disability, etc. I have learned an even greater lesson that one must be vigilant and ready to combat snide remarks and negative stereotypes, when able to do so, even if they come from the mouths of our coworkers, politicians, and/or from those for whom we love. It is true that oppression really does breed oppression.

For all I have learned thus far in this journey, I am grateful.

Thoughts & Occurances From a Runaway Train

2007-07-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

·I’m coming to an age where I sometimes feel jealous of younger, more athletic people than I. Hell, I had all that once. Oh, but, how do I get it back again? Can I get it back again? Sometimes I really believe I can.

·I spend part of my life being mad at God, other times loving God, and sometimes questioning whether I still believe in God at all. God, I’m only human.

·You can spend your days being angry and incarcerated or you can spend your days being relatively pleasant and planning your escape. We all do both at times – but I’d prefer to dig my hole, I mean, my tunnel.

·You know, I really don’t like stamps. Buying them. Licking them. Placing the little bastards on envelopes already containing payments as if 41 cents added to a $219 payment is nothing. What’s 41 cents anyway? A start.

·At work a while back, while I was training someone, a patient the trainee and I were working on (hospice placement) coded. All these doctors and nurses ran into the room. The patient was, however, a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). The patient died. The doctors left the room. The nurses left the room. Someone closed the door. People went on back to their daily routines as if nothing unusual had happened. I sometimes wonder if anyone else in the hall felt anything for the fifty years of life that had just fluttered into the unknown that day.

·In life there will always be someone who seems greater than you – with greater experience than you. With greater knowledge than you. With greater power than you. But, this does not mean you yourself are not great, greater in another way, or potentially greater.

·I’ve always loved the concept of multiple intelligences. Fascinating.

·My mom has always enjoyed reading fantasy/fiction novels. I never quite understood why someone would want to spend precious moments of their life outside of reality. So, one day I asked her and she said she sees so much reality each day that sometimes she just likes to escape into fantasy. I know this sounds so simple – leaving reality for fantasy – but oh how difficult it is for adults to feel the awe associated with fantasy like that. What a pleasure it must be to actually enjoy it again…

·Math is interesting. Some aspects of it seem to train the mind to think about possibilities and probabilities and many great things, while other aspects of it appear to train the mind to expect just one, simple answer. Interesting in application to life. So finicky.

·One of the worst habits a person can fall into is perfectionism. Expecting to do everything on the job perfect. Expecting the job to treat you perfect. Expecting to be a perfect friend. Expecting friends to be perfect. Expecting the perfect family. Expecting the family to be perfect. Expecting the perfect life. Expecting the perfect mood. Expecting the perfect words. Expecting perfect to be perfect.

·Sometimes it seems as if life just flies by so fast. Too fast.

·An old friend of mine is still doing drugs. I suppose I can’t expect perfection, can I? You know, I sometimes think about how some drugs should probably be legalized because, well, most people these days seem to try them at some point in their lives anyway (pot, for the most part). However, then I think about that old friend of mine, the one who has spent the last eight years destroying so many precious relationships around them. Is it really worth it? You know, we only live once. The minutes tick by on the clock and then suddenly 75 years doesn't quite seem like such a long time anymore.

·Finally, do you sometimes feel as if God – if there is a God somewhere – is writing about you in a new Bible? Writing about the pain you went through. Discussing the lessons you learned. Describing the blessings that came to you. Reflecting upon what you taught others in your life and what others taught you. Do you ever just wonder…

"Hair"

2007-07-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel my hair going gray,
That is when I kneel down and pray,
“Dear heavenly father, if you are there,
This brown hair will you so kindly spare?”
It’s hard to tell if this method works well
Or if I should just give into the Clairol spell.
Dying and re-dying and dying all over,
I hope one ingredient is the four-leaf clover.
Oh well, so long as I am not appalled,
I suppose it’s all better than being bald.

Written by. Holly H.

P.S., This is just fictional. I don't really worry about going gray... yet anyway.

Anorexia Nervosa (A Powerful Video)

2007-07-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today, some of my coworkers and I went the mental health hospital that is part of the acute care hospital I work for in Ft. Worth. We attended the Psychiatric Grand Rounds, which are mental health seminars held there every Friday (or maybe every other Friday, I'm not sure).

Today, a child psychiatrist spoke about the eating disorders, anorexia and bulemia. The speaker said she knew of a five year old child with anorexia and that eating disorders are still major problems in the children of today. Furthermore, the speaker suggested going to YouTube and doing a search on the term, "eating disorders," and this is the first video that popped up:

For more information about eating disorders:

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Phone: (800) 994-9662
http://www.4woman.gov/faq/easyread/anorexia-etr.htm

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), NIH, HHS
Phone: (866) 615-NIMH (6464)
Internet Address: http://www.nimh.nih.gov

National Mental Health Information Center , SAMHSA, HHS
Phone: (800) 789-2647
Internet Address: http://www.mentalhealth.org

Academy for Eating Disorders
Phone: (847) 498-4274
Internet Address: http://www.aedweb.org

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
Phone: (847) 831-3438
Internet Address: http://www.anad.org

National Eating Disorders Association
Phone: (800) 931-2237
Internet Address: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Unique Experiences

2007-05-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

Every minute across the world, a Hurricane Katrina strikes. One moment everything in life seems calm (or at least not so bad), the next minute the storm hits, and for a long time – perhaps even forever – one’s entire world is turned upside down. Chances are the pieces can be picked up, but maybe not put back together. An entirely new reality ensues.

Working at the county hospital for the past six months as a medical social worker has afforded me some of the best and worst experiences. It has made me more cognitive of the fact that a “Katrina” is always just around the corner – whether it be a drastic injury to our bodies, a bout of major depression, or the loss of a loved one, etc. Despite someone being rich, or poor, intelligent or simple-minded, we can all be broken in a matter of seconds and we will all, eventually, turn into dust. This is a commonality we, as humans, all share.

I’ve gotten to see some crazy things thus far: Patients involved in motor vehicle accidents whose physical and mental capacities will never, ever be the same. They must now depend on their mother, who they’ve never quite gotten along with, to assist them in bathing their naked bodies and changing them into sweat pants, not Calvin Klein. I’ve seen persons who, in a moment of hopelessness, took a handgun, shot themselves in the head, and lived – blind, trached, pegged, and on a respirator. Parents by the bedside, some wondering if it would have been better had their loved one just passed on instead. Some of these people were young, others were old; some had families, others did not.

As a social worker, no matter what field we are in, we hear and see tragic stories like these everyday. What’s important is that we not get so “used to” these stories, these “diagnoses,” that we begin to categorize, assume, and devalue the unique experiences of those we are there to help. Social workers must maintain this outlook no matter what the personal cost.

I’ve seen many individuals from other professions in the medical field who see a diagnosis and treat the patient as if they were any other person with that diagnosis. They treat them as if they have the same history, family background, and story as anyone else. As social workers, we must take on an important role as educators in the field. We must constantly teach and remind other professionals around us that each individual has their own story. Each patient grieves in a unique way. Each family “deals” differently. Not all AIDS patients brought on their diagnosis via promiscuity or drugs – and if they did, it shouldn’t so much matter as much as the state of pain the person is in and the simple gesture of respect they deserve as members of the human race. Not all individuals with schizophrenia are incapable of rational decision-making and deciding what is best for them.

No, no two persons are the same. As social workers, we must never forget this and always, always teach this simple, but often forgotten, truth throughout our careers as competent professionals.

Written by. Holly H.

My Heart

2007-03-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

I saw this flyer posted on a dumpster in my apartment complex and the last words really touched my heart.

Soccer Player Dies During Game

2006-11-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

This has got to be the saddest video on YouTube. This happened in the year 2004 and someone on YouTube commented that the player died of a heart problem.

Things You CAN'T Do When You're NOT In a Pool!

2006-11-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

This is so creative and definately funny!

Moonwalking Fingers (a video by me)

2006-11-14T11:45:00.000-08:00

This was my first ever video to post on YouTube. I posted it over the summer. It's somewhat corny, but whatever!

Living With Red Pandas

2006-11-14T11:28:00.000-08:00

This is funny!

Faith Hill Gets Pissed?

2006-11-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

Apparently Faith Hill got pissed while at the Country Music Awards. However, some are claiming it was intentional and just a joke. What do you think? Whatever the case, it is absolutely HILARIOUS!

Opposite Day!

2006-11-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

I used to love playing opposite day!

President Bush

2006-11-04T08:35:00.000-08:00

I love it!

Brokeback Mountain - Alma's Song

2006-10-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

This is a video I saw on YouTube that is very beautiful, mainly if you've seen the movie "Brokeback Mountain." It seems to illustrate the pain Alma felt over having a husband whom she knew didn't love her with all his heart. If you haven't seen the movie, it is a very powerful one, depicting the pain not only of the gay men in the film, but also of their spouses as well as other loved ones.

Redeploying Mentally Ill Soldiers

2006-10-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

I got this video off of YouTube and it is currently one of the top rated videos on the site. I have to agree with one of the comments to this video, that redeploying mentally ill soldiers is arguably torture.

Only One Sin

2006-10-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

Here is a stimulating excerpt, regarding sin, from the book I am reading entitled, "The Kite Runner," by Khaled Hosseini:

"Now, no matter what the mullah teaches, there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft... When you kill a man, you steal a life... You still his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness."

Interesting...

Smurf Claymation

2006-10-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

I found this on YouTube and thought it was TOO cute... and disturbing!

Behind the Education

2006-10-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

Found this on YouTube and absolutely LOVE it!

The Miniature Earth

2006-09-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

Here's a really cool video someone posted on YouTube.com. Note: Apparently the video was not made with sound.

Wise Words From Mary Alice

2006-09-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I look forward to watching ABC's "Desperate Housewives" is because of the wise words from one of the show's deceased characters, Mary Alice:

"Illness can take on many forms. Those of the body are easy to treat. Much more difficult are the hidden maladies that fester in our hearts. The secret addictions that consume our souls. And the diseases we deny which affect our judgment. To survive we need to find that special someone who can heal us. But we can never predict who have the cure for what ails us. Or when they'll show up."
"The world is filled with unlikely friendships. Odd pairings that to the casual observer make absolutely no sense at all. But if you look closer, we can see why these alliances form. After all, a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground."
"Temptation comes to all of us. Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize its disguise. Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame, flickering back to life. Or a new friend who could end up being so much more. Or a young child who awakens feelings we didn't know we had. And so we give in to temptation, all the while knowing come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences."
"We've all done something in our lives we're ashamed of. Some of us have fallen for the wrong man. Some have let go of the right woman. There are those who have humiliated their parents and those who have failed their children. Yes, we've all made mistakes that diminish us and those we love. But there is redemption if we try to learn from those mistakes and grow."
"When the truth is ugly, people try to keep it hidden, because they know if revealed, the damage it will do. So they conceal it within sturdy walls or they place it behind closed doors or they obscure it with clever disguises but truth, no matter how ugly, always emerges. And someone we care about always ends up getting hurt. And someone else will revel in their pain and that's the ugliest truth of all."
"It’s a shocking moment for each of us. That moment we realize we are all alone in this world. The family we take for granted could one day abandon us. The husband we trust so implicitly might betray us. The daughter we love so deeply perhaps won’t return to us. And then we could end up all by ourselves. Of course, some see great value in going it alone."
"Competition, it means different things to different people. But whether it’s a friendly rivalry...or a fight to the death...the end result is the same. There will be winners...and there will be losers. Of course, the trick is to know which battles to fight. You see, no victory comes without a price."
"At that precise moment, as Dr. Hanson Mills was cutting yet another umbilical cord, other ties were being severed all over town. Like the one between a child and the mother who didn't want him to grow up so quickly, or the one between a case of fine wine and the housewife who hadn't wanted to admit that she had a problem, or the one between a woman and the boyfriend who couldn't forgive her betrayal. The choice to separate from what we love is painful. The only thing worse is when someone we've trusted makes the choice for us."
"There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don’t want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no."
"Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us. And total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned."
"There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner. Of course, not everyone who reads this book feels guilt over the bad things that they do."
"It's not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. Sinners can surprise you. And the same is true for saints.Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart. And that anyone is capable of anything."

Every New Beginning...

2006-07-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

Comes From Some Other Beginning's End.

This month I will turn twenty five years of age. Assuming the average life expectancy in the United States is still seventy five, that means I have already lived 1/3 of my life (if all goes well). Man, that is scary. Here are some of my concerns:

- Will I get to Heaven?
- Will I make amends with God?
- When do I need to start going to the doctor for "check ups"?
- Am I still healthy?
- Will I get a job soon?
- Will I pass the licensing exam?
- Will I be alone?
- Will I die alone?
- Will I get in shape again?
- How can I motivate myself to exercise?
- Will I become homeless?
- Will I become successful?
- Will I ever write a book?
- When I get older, do I go in the salon and ask for a "granny do"?
- Will I be wise with my money?
- Will I be happy with myself?
- Will saying goodbye to the ones I care about ever get any less heartbreaking?
- Will I ever see those people again?
- Will I ever go out of the country?
- Will I ever stop asking so many questions?

Will I ever stop being so concerned?

"The Gift of Flowers"

2006-07-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

I've never been fond of flowers.
For, given as a gift, they are placed in a vase
And left to wither and wither away
Until they must be thrown away.
This seems so very cruel,
To give a gift that has such an ending.

But maybe it's not what it seems.
Maybe I choose what I see.

Lately I've come to appreciate flowers.
For, given as a gift, they are placed in a vase
And left to admire and teach us a lesson...
To value life, and its beauties, while we have it.
This seems so very wonderful,
To be given a gift that has such meaning.

Written by. Holly H.

"Mental Cedar Casket"

2006-06-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

God help me!
Someone closed the lid!
Something closed me in!
Can’t anyone hear me?
Oh God, help me!
Oh God, it’s too late…
For God.
No one can help now.
No more blue skies.
No more true life.
It’s all over again.
But I am not over it.
My remains remain
In this mental
Cedar casket.

Written by Holly H.

Procrastination: Linked To Fear Of Failure?

2006-06-09T00:44:00.000-07:00

“Don’t do today what you can do tomorrow.” How does this phrase make you feel? Comfortable? Guilty, maybe? Perhaps this phrase is nothing more than a form of denial – a way of putting ourselves at ease with having written off our “here and now” experience; our life in the present moment.

It seems as if a vast majority of us waste time relying on our future selves – a person who is yet to exist; a figment of our creative, but often irrational, imagination. We think, “Ah, I’m sure the person I’ll be tomorrow will have the time to get things done then.” However, I ask, are we really thinking when we think that? Or, is it that we are thinking but not in the most useful manner?

Yesterday a professor of mine made an interesting comment about the subject of procrastination. He said, “I’ve come to believe procrastination is not so much about laziness as it is about our own fear of failure.” I find this interesting and so eerily true for many situations; maybe not all, however.

Failure. Just reading that word might have elicited some kind of fear in your mind. Maybe you’re afraid of something you’ve put off doing – your homework, or writing a letter to your best friend. Maybe you worry that homework assignment you must do won’t be like you would like it to be when you complete it – or that your finished product won’t be the best work you can do. Maybe this means failure. The same goes for writing that letter to your best friend. You put it off a few days or weeks because you are afraid you will not know what to say, or how to say it just right. So, to cope, you tell yourself that nice old saying that was mentioned earlier, “Don’t do today what you can do tomorrow,” or, even, perhaps you recite the words, “Out of sight, out of mind,” in your mind. But, is it ever really gone?

Maybe nobody or nothing is perfect. It depends on your take on reality. Whatever the case, we must remember to think and to do so rationally. If we never allow ourselves to make mistakes and to accept them as useful tools, we are truly doing ourselves a disservice by limiting our capacity to grow in our knowledge, intellect, and potential.

In the book, “How to Think like Leonardo da Vinci,” it mentions a little about children and curiosity. It says people can learn many things from simply observing children – how they think, how they learn, and how they ask the simple questions about life. This insatiable curiosity, the author says, contributes to genius like that of Leonardo – the so-called greatest genius of all-time. He (the author) noted, “Be willing to make lots of mistakes. Bambinos [when learning language] do not worry about looking cool or instantly achieving perfect pronunciation or grammar; they just dive in and speak” (Gelb, 1998, p. 72).

In the end, after having read this blog, you are probably not going to have taken every shred of idea or advice and actually implimented it in your life. Why? Perhaps because it is just so darn easy to procrastinate; and again, who's perfect? But by the close of this post, if anything, maybe you will have at least acknowledged the power a fear of failure can exude.

Written by Holly H.

A Truly Great "Saved By The Bell" Moment

2006-06-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

"Pieces of Us"

2006-05-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems
Some of those whom
We are drawn to in life
Are like us in a fashion.
Not just because they are
Of flesh and bone;
And not just that they,
Whether rich or poor,
Intelligent or simple-minded,
Will one day, too, turn to dust.
Not just in those ways.
But perhaps because
They are pieces of us,
Amplified.
A sense of humor’s path
To freedom.
An unpopular value’s
Vessel of acceptance.
An intellect’s method
For feeling understood.
Yes, pieces of us,
Brought to us by chance
Or by reason?

Written by. Holly H.

Eight Years Later

2006-05-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I was talking to a good friend about journaling. This friend shared their thoughts with me about how strange it might be to look back, say in ten years from now, at the words they are writing today. What will their future self think of their current self? Oh, what doth the future hold?

Well, while visiting my parents this week, I came across something interesting. With my mom having asked me to sort through some old boxes containing some of my belongings (might I note, she's been asking me to do this for years), I came across an old journal of mine from my senior year in high school.

I kept this journal as one of my assignments in my senior English class. Each week throughout the trimester, my class was given a topic and asked to write a page about it. I remember how much I enjoyed this aspect of the class.

Today, nearly eight years later, it is, indeed, a rather strange sensation to look back upon these entries and read the things I once wrote. On some of the entries, I find myself thinking, "What the heck was I thinking? That didn't even make sense!" and/or "How elementary was that?!" and/or "Man, was my grammar baaaad!"

So, I have decided to share two of these entries with you today, in the future which I probably could never have fathomed some eight years ago:

Title: "Life is a Journey"
Topic to respond to: Chaucer says we are all pilgrims. Nike says life is a journey. Using these two ideas, tell me where this journey called life is taking you.

Entry:

Life is taking me through many journeys. I find it an honor that I am already seventeen years of age and still alive; I have had a lot of time to die. Different things matter to different people and, to me, I feel that life is no big deal. We all die sooner or later. I feel that when I die that it will not matter. I will not be remembered unless I invent something, murder somebody, or have sex with The President of the United States -- and I know none of these events will ever occur in my life.

I am bored in this life. Although, I feel that when God ends this life for me I will go on to another one, and it is not heaven or hell. So far, my journey through life is leading me to pursue a career as an Optometrist. I feel that the eye is the greatest and most magnificent organ of the body. I learn a lot about people from their eyes. There is no telling what will happen to me in the rest of my disinteresting journey through life.

Title: "Does it matter?"
Topic to respond to: Some of you expressed a concern that I always choose the topic. Well, today you may choose. I hope you find this more worthwhile.

Entry: (Note: The very last paragraph may be somewhat confusing. I had re-written the entry eight years ago when it was due, in order to clarify something to my teacher. I did not go back and re-write it today.)

Beautiful. What exactly is "beautiful," anyway? Why do we feel the need for beauty? Why do some people think skinny is better than fat? Why do some people think tall is better than short?

One thing in life that absolutely disgusts me is idealism. Who says beauty is idealistic? Where did we get the idea that things have to be be beautiful in order to be perfect, anyway? I get so embarrassed and humiliated when I am with a friend and he or she makes a rude comment about a person's weight or looks. Being with a friend like I just mentioned makes me feel so dirty because, to me, everybody short and tall, overweight or underweight, fine hair or coarse hair, is beautiful.

My idea of beauty is everything that has a purpose in life, such as the eyelashes used to shield the dirt from our lovely eyelashes, or bucked teeth used in a wonderful smile. A true definition of "ugly" or "beautiful" does not exist. A person can be the most beautiful person in the world and still have people in the world who think they are ugly.

I have to admit that I went back and re-wrote this entry because I wanted to add one tiny, yet very important, idea to this entry. The idea is that, as it says in William Shakespeare's poem, "Fear No More The Heat Of The Sun," no matter whether a person is smart or dumb, rich or poor, beautiful or supposedly ugly, we will all eventually die and we will all eventually turn into dust. My advice to people is to try to look at everyone and everything as being beautiful in some way, as best as is possible, because we humans are all in this life together.

"Good Goodbyes"

2006-04-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

I know things cannot stay the same
In this life, in this ever changing game.
Yet when I think of saying “goodbye,”
A part of me slowly begins to die.

It’s not that I will not move on,
Or not that new horizons will not don.
It’s just the thought of something new,
And of saying goodbye to what I already knew.

Is there really such a thing as good “goodbyes,”
Or is it all lies? Nothing more than “badbyes”?
I don’t know, but I wish life were more clever,
In that all that’s good could simply last forever.

Written by. Holly H.

"The Miracle Question"

2006-04-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

Six years down the road,
Still stuck in yesterday.
Yet to find a humble abode.
Will it always be this way?

Memories so consuming
Of the time put before me.
Maybe it's just assuming
To say this will forever be.

If a miracle occurs tonight,
Taking all these problems away,
What will I see at first sight
Telling me tomorrow's a new day?

I don't know. I'm not sure.
Maybe I'll know tomorrow.
For now there's no cure
To end this painful sorrow.

Written by. Holly H.

Caring For Your Aging Parents/Guardians

2006-04-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

Currently, I am doing some research for one of my classes on issues surrounding “aging family members.” I didn’t think I’d like this topic very much yet it has been quite stirring.

Below is a section from a good book I checked out called “Taking Care of Your Aging Family Members: A Practical Guide” by. Nancy Hooyman and Wendy Lustbader (1986). I felt some strong emotional reactions after reading this section (perhaps because I have older parents than most people my age and realize that, someday soon, my siblings and I will be in the position of taking care of my parents) and, thus, wanted to share it in a blog. After reading it, I’d like you to answer some or all of my questions below the excerpt.

Excerpt:

“The touching that is inherent in assisting with personal care almost always makes family members speak more tenderly and immediately than would otherwise be possible between them. For example, a daughter who helps her mother button her blouse each morning while recovering from a stroke may talk on a more personal level than she has ever previously ventured with her mother. It is difficult to hold on to past anger or resentment while buttoning someone’s clothes or helping with other tasks requiring physical contact. The sight of a parent unable to get out of a chair or into a nightgown without assistance is emotionally moving to even the most embittered children, often provoking conciliatory gestures and remarks that have been absent for years” (p. 15).

Questions:

1) What emotional reactions (e.g., sadness, fear, joy, etc.) do you have after reading this excerpt?

2) If one or more of your parents/guardians are still living and yet you are too young to have an aging parent/guardian for whom you must provide care for, but for whom you might have to be responsible for in the future, how does it make you feel to think about potentially having to provide such care for one or both of them in the future?

3) If you have ever had an aging parent/guardian (or any family member/loved one for that matter) who could not dress or bathe themselves and for whom you had to aide in doing so, what were your feelings on that?

4) Finally, what do you think about the statement “It is difficult to hold onto past anger or resentment while buttoning someone’s clothes or helping with other tasks requiring physical contact”?

Thanks!

"Homosexuality: Hate and Love"

2006-04-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

Here is an excellent video (length is about 5 mins) about the hate and love homosexual individuals have the potential to face on a daily basis. Before watching it, see its description below the video:

The video was created by a student at Abilene Christian University in response to the university's upcoming visit by the Soulforce Equality Riders (which occured 3/27/06), an activist group whose goal is, "freedom for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people from religious and political oppression through the practice of relentless nonviolent resistance."

The first segment of the video contains some very harsh speech that I, and others, find heartbreaking. Also, you may or may not agree with some of what the video says (such as first loving the LGBT individual before you can change them) -- I agree with "loving" the individual first (one of the most powerful messages of the video), but I am not sure whether I agree or disagree about "changing" the individual.

Freddy's Dead: Understanding Death's Permanence

2006-03-31T15:26:00.000-08:00

Questions: How old were you when you first experienced issues surrounding death? How did you cope with the news? How do you feel you came to understand what death was as a child?

One area of research I have become particularly fascinated with during my graduate studies is the issue of childhood bereavement. That is, issues of children greiving from the loss of a loved one, or a friend, or perhaps a pet, etc.

My first experience: I was about four or five years old when I met a nice little lizard, whom I came to call "Freddy," that resided on a woodpile in my family's backyard. Freddy was very tame, for a lizard, and never seemed to mind me catching him. Often I would bring him inside the house to play for a while before returning him back to the woodpile.

One evening, I remember, I put Freddy in a bucket and carried him over to my grandmother's house around the corner from me. When we arrived, my grandmother wouldn't let me bring Freddy inside with me and asked that I leave him in the bucket in the backyard. I didn't seem to mind.

Sadly, later when it came time to leave grandmother's house, I discovered that Freddy would not move when I nudged him. Little did I understand that he was dead. Seeing an elderly neighbor in her backyard, I ran up to her, holding Freddy's lifeless body in my hand, and began crying to her "What's wrong with Freddy?" In a consoling tone, she told me he was dead.

My parents and I buried Freddy in the backyard that night. However, that was not the end of it.

According to the Hospice of Southeastern Connecticut Bereavement Program regarding children ages three to six and their perception of death the "Child thinks death is reversible; temporary, like going to sleep or when a parent goes to work; believes that people who die will come back."

So, what did I do? Yep, I thought death was "reversible." Thinking Freddy would be coming back to life any day, I took a hand shovel that was in the backyard and dug up my pal the day after the burial. His eyes were sunken in and he had begun to look a little shriveled and his scales were starting to fall off. Also, as would be expected, he smelled pretty bad.

I continued digging him up for at least a week or two before my parents found out what I had been up to. It was then that they had to tell me the most devastating news -- Freddy wouldn't be coming back to life. Sad day.

Oh well, I suppose I have somehow coped with it in the past twenty, or so, years!

"Envious Feline"

2006-03-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

"Envious Feline"

What would I do if I were human?
I'd sing in the shower
About love, money, and power.
I'd cover my body in fancy clothes,
And order pizza from Domino's.
That thing they call the TV,
It'd be in the trash if it were up to me!
Oh! How humans waste time with things like that!
But oh! How boring it is to be a cat!
I can't read, write, or calculate.
Heck! I can't even take a cat on a date!
I'm stuck in a life of litter and fur.
My owner? Oh, how I wish I were her!

By. Holly H.

The Things Kids Say

2006-03-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

My sister and brother-in-law are always telling me about the funny things my little nephews (Adam, age 5, and Caleb, age 3) say. Which reminds me, do they still make new episodes of that show "Kids Say The Darndest Things"? Anyway, the following are just a few recent examples of things they have said:

#1:
My Sister: So Caleb, do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?
Caleb: I want a baby friend.

#2:
My sister and her husband took both kids along with them when they went to a place to have their taxes professionally done. When they arrived at the place, Adam asked, "Is this where the government lives?"

#3:
The kids' grandma on their dad's side of the family owns a successful greeting card making business. One line of cards are made using real insect carcuses. The carcuses are frozen and them somehow their images are scanned into the card paper in a way that leaves the imprint of the carcus on the card, making for a very unique greeting. Well, if anyone knows Adam, they know that he is a very sensitve young man who is also very much in-love with nature. Thus, he cannot stand the fact that his grandma makes these cards by freezing poor, innocent insects. So, the other day when his grandma sent the family one of these cards in the mail, Adam saw it and said, in a frustrated tone, "Ugh, grandma's been freezing bugs again!"

A "Da Vinci Code" Disclaimer?

2006-03-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

This morning there was an interesting debate on "The Today Show" regarding the film version of one of the best selling novels of all-time, "The Da Vinci Code."

The debate: Should there be a disclaimer attached to "The Da Vinci Code" movie advertisements noting that the story behind the movie is a work of fiction?

According to what I saw on "The Today Show," members of The Catholic league are working to get such a disclaimer attached to the film. The representative of The Catholic League that appeared on "The Today Show" says that although Dan Brown states several "facts" at the beginning of his book, that they are actually fiction -- lies basically. He went on to say that viewers need to know the truth (that the story is a work of fiction) and need not be decieved by this film. The book and film claim that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and that she bore Jesus' child and that the Catholic Church strategically covered this secret to save face.

The idea of having to attach a disclaimer to this film asserting that it is indeed fiction is ridiculous. And frankly, I do not think it is justified as far as Ron Howard's (the films' director) constitutional freedoms are concerned.

Further, what about those who don't believe the story of Jesus in Mel Gibson's film "The Passion of the Christ" is true -- wouldn't there need to be a disclaimer on that film proclaiming its story fiction, for those people? This is only one example of many movies I can think of.

Also, it's well known that not all of what is written in "The Da Vinci Code" is true. A story is a story and it can have bits of fact, bits of fiction, and bits of nonsense. The book is located in the "Fiction" section of book stores for goodness sake. Isn't that enough? Also, as one of the debators said on "The Today Show," if a person is really interested in historical facts then they should know that sitting in a theater for two hours probably isn't going to get them very far. That is what libraries are for and what researching is for. If they'd rather get their facts from a movie, then to each his own.

To end this, I find it kind of amusing that in "The Da Vinci Code," the Catholic Church is desperately trying to cover up an ancient old secret that they believe could result in the fall of their church if the secret was ever to be known. Here, today, with certain members trying to get a "disclaimer" attached to the film, it almost seems as if that same sort of desperate anxiety is present, fearing that this film is going to destroy their church. Well, whatever happened to that simple, yet powerful thing called "faith" in God?

Rural American & International Mental Health

2006-03-08T20:21:00.000-08:00

Here are some things that were discussed/mentioned in my Mental Health Policy class this morning, which I find interesting:

- Rural America makes up 90% of our nation’s landmass and is home to 25% of the U.S. population.

- There are higher rates alcohol and drug use among residents of rural American communities (Go figure: nothing to do = getting wasted).

- Since persons often do not want others to know they have a mental illness, it is sometimes harder for persons of rural communities to make themselves get treatment – fearing that, in a smaller community, people might find out their “secret.” Thus, by the time they do seek help, their illness has often progressed very far into its course and can be very expensive to treat.

- More than 1/4 of the U.S. adult population is suffering from a mental or addictive disorder within any given year. (This was actually from an earlier class session)

- Across the world there is a great lack of psychiatrists, medications, and care. For instance, in Ethiopia there are: 70 million people; 1 psychiatric hospital; and just 11 psychiatrists. Imagine – only 11 psychiatrists for 70 million people.

- There are 250 million severely mentally ill people throughout the world on any given day.

- WHO’s Millineum Developmental Goals (the U.S. didn’t sign these because of the very last two goals since, as my professor stated, “The U.S. is not proactive but will do something if there’s an economic gain"):

Eradicate Extreme Poverty and Hunger
Achieve Universal Primary Education
Promote Gender Equality and Empower Women
Reduce Child Mortality
Improve Maternal Health
Combat HIV/AIDS, Malaria, and other Diseases
Ensure Environmental Sustainability
Develop a Global Partnership for Development

Engaging Reads for the Aging Mind

2006-03-04T22:10:00.000-08:00

Tonight I spent the evening at my local Barnes & Noble store reading (skimming, actually) an array of books, which included:

"The Professors: The 101 Most Dangerous Academics in America" - by. David Horowitz

As the B&N website says [from the publisher],"We all know that left-wing radicals from the 1960s have hung around academia and hired people like themselves. But if you thought they were all harmless, antiquated hippies, you'd be wrong." "Horowitz exposes 101 academics - representative of thousands of radicals who teach our young people - who also happen to be alleged ex-terrorists, racists, murderers, sexual deviants, anti-Semites, and al-Qaeda supporters." David Horowitz's riveting expose is essential reading for parents, students, college alums, taxpayers, and patriotic Americans who don't think college students should be indoctrinated by sympathizers of Joseph Stalin and Osama bin Laden. The Professors is truly frightening - and an intellectual call to arms from a courageous author who knows the radicals all too well. "

My thoughts: Interesting book but very one-sided. Its tone is very anti-leftist/anti-liberal in itself. Also, I sometimes got the impression that it challenges readers to think inside the box (*sarcastic laugh*). I personally don't care to buy this book because purchasing it would ultimately mean contributing to Horowitz's own radical causes. However, I don't mind sitting around reading it for free at B&N. Thanks to this book, I now know more about some very intriguing professors across America's colleges and universities, whether or not I agree with the supposed teachings of each of them. Perhaps this book especially appeals to me since I, myself, am going to be a college professor one of these days! Moreover, another interesting thing about it was that one of the so-called "101 Most Dangerous Academics in America" is a professor at the university I currently attend. Oooh!

"Fleshing Out Skull & Bones: Investigations into America's Most Powerful Secret Society" - Chris Milligan (Editor)

As the B&N website says [from the publisher], "This chronicle of espionage, drug smuggling, and elitism in Yale University's Skull & Bones society offers rare glimpses into this secret world with previously unpublished documents, photographs, and articles that delve into issues such as racism, financial ties to the Nazi party, and illegal corporate dealings. Contributors include Anthony Sutton, author of America's Secret Establishment; Dr. Ralph Bunch, professor emeritus of political science at Portland State University; Webster Griffin Tarpley and Anton Chaitkin, authors and historians. A complete list of members, including George Bush, George W. Bush, and John F. Kerry, and reprints of rare magazine articles are included."

My thoughts: Ever since seeing the movie, "The Skulls," I have been very interested in learning more about this supposedly all-powerful society. As one character says in the movie, "If it's secret, it can't be good." Guess I'll find out whether or not I agree after I buy and read this book!

"Why I Am Not a Christian and Other Essays on Related Subjects" - by. Bertrand Russell

As the B&N website says [from the publisher], "Dedicated as few men have been to the life of reason, Bertrand Russell has always been concerned with the basic questions to which religion also addresses itself -- questions about man's place in the universe and the nature of the good life, questions that involve life after death, morality, freedom, education, and sexual ethics. He brings to his treatment of these questions the same courage, scrupulous logic, and lofty wisdom for which his other work as philosopher, writer, and teacher has been famous. These qualities make the essays included in this book perhaps the most graceful and moving presentation of the freethinker's position since the days of Hume and Voltaire."

"I am as firmly convinced that religions do harm as I am that they are untrue," Russell declares in his Preface, and his reasoned opposition to any system or dogma which he feels may shackle man's mind runs through all the essays in this book, whether they were written as early as 1899 or as late as 1954.

My thoughts: A seemingly intriguing read, whether one agrees with or rejects the author's ideas. I might buy this one with my left over Christmas gift cards.

"His Bright Light" - by. Danielle Steel

As the B&N website says [from the publisher], "From the day he was born, Nick Traina was his mother's joy. By nineteen, he was dead. This is Danielle Steel's powerful personal story of the son she lost and the lessons she learned during his courageous battle against darkness."

My thoughts: As the book discusses, the "darkness" Steel lost her son to was manic depression (more popularly termed "bi-polar disorder"), which led him to take his own life. I can tell, just from the first few pages, that this is probably a book well worth the time it takes to read.

To Each His Own Reality

2006-02-26T22:34:00.000-08:00

So, I am in the library right now working on a 15 page research paper that is due in my Wednesday afternoon class for 50% of the grade. The current time is 12:30 a.m. About 10 minutes ago the library security guard, an older gentleman, came up to check my student I.D. (as non-students are not allowed in the library during midnight hours) and proceeded to chat with me. Here's the convo:

Guard: "You writing a paper?"
Me: "Yeah." (smiling)
Guard: "When's it due?"
Me: "Wednesday."
Guard: (with a look of disbelief on his face) "You must be a junior or senior or something."
Me: "Grad school."
Guard: "No wonder you are so far ahead."

Interesting. After he walked away, I sat here and thought about our convo for a little while. Here I have been stressing out today because I have non-chalantly put this paper off until the last few days before it is due. I have known about this paper ever since the beginning of the semester back in January. Most people in my class, that I have talked to, started researching for this paper weeks ago. Me? I started researching for it this past Saturday (well, started. I didn't really get anything done). Despite all this, I must still appear to be quite studious, when referencing the convo I just had with a total stranger.

So, if starting a big paper a few weeks before it is due is a good thing, yet starting a big paper a few days before it is due is also a good thing, then what exactly is "studious"? Wouldn't I still be just as "studious" if I started it the night before it was due, so long as I completed it? I suppose I might not learn as much due to being rushed. I don't know. I'm sleepy. Whatever the case, I feel better now about having put the paper off until now. I'm on top of my game -- in another's eyes.

AIM Convo of the Day

2006-02-24T19:12:00.000-08:00

Me: did i tell you Leo [my cat] was killed?
My Cousin: nu uh!
Me: JUST KIDDING! Thought I'd give a scare or two.
Me: lol
My Cousin: i was like no way dude!
My Cousin: haha
Me: lol
Me: i'm morbid
Me: i think it runs in our fam
Me: u?
My Cousin: apparently it does
My Cousin: haha

Mental Illness: How Important Is The "Why?" ?

2006-02-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

Just curious. This is related to a new form of therapy I am learning...

Do you think the "why's" (causes) of mental health difficulties matter more or less than the "solutions" to the difficulties? Also, how important do you think your past is? More specifically, how important do you think your past is when relating it to the mental health difficulties you may be experiencing today? Does the importance of the past depend on what the difficulty is, perhaps?

Picture yourself in this situation:

Suppose you had experienced depression (loss of appetite, lack of energy, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness, etc.) on and off again for the past six years. The last three weeks have been particularly bad. Now, suppose you finally decided to seek therapy for it. Great! Good for you.

Now, imagine yourself in your very first session with your therapist. Right off the bat, you notice that your therapist doesn't "appear" to be focusing on the "why" (cause) of your difficulties but, rather, he or she seems to be focusing on a solution to the difficulties you came in with. That's cool -- finding solutions. Makes sense, doesn't it?

But, suppose you do happen to ask your therapist, "Why do I feel like this?" and "Why is this such a chronic thing for me?," and your therapist replies, "The 'why' is not an area of focus for us. Neither is too much of the history of the depression. The only thing that you and I need to be focusing on is finding solutions to the difficulties that brought you in here today. Solutions! Solutions! Solutions! (okay... so maybe he or she does't actually shout "Solutions!" three times in a row, but you get the drift, right?)

The therapist proceeds further, asking you questions such as, "Were there any times during the past week that your depression didn't seem so bad? If so, what were you doing when it didn't seem so bad? Do you think you could do more of that?"

Suppose you say, "Well, there haven't been any good times."

The therapist then says, "Not ANY good times?".

You say, "Well, I guess it wasn't so bad when I went out with my friends last Friday night and saw Brokeback Mountain."

The therapist says, "So, you felt better when you were with your friends, huh?"

You say, "Yeah, I suppose so. Yeah, I did."

So, to end the session, your therapist says, "Well, I just want to compliment you on having coped well enough to make it in here to see me today. I know it is not easy," and continues "Before you see me next week, I'd like to give you a little task to do. No stress. This doesn't need to seem like a chore. But, what I'd like you to do is to, one day over the week, call up a friend or two and ask them to go hang out with you one night. Go see a movie again, if you'd like. Whatever you do, do it with friends. Do you think you can do that before I see you next time?"

"Sure. I guess I can try," you say. And then the session is over.

"See you next week," your therapist says.

Now, I'd like you to answer this question (and the questions at the beginning of this post): Would you, personally, have been satisfied with a session like this one?

Depression is a Dark Place

2006-02-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

My new favorite music artist is Missy Higgins. I have been listening to her songs off and on all week (Go to her website, in the link above, and listen to her songs for free. A music player, where you can select and play songs, will be in the top right corner of the screen). The songs she sings are absolutely brilliant and she writes them herself too, which I really admire in singers. One of her songs that I first listened to tonight really struck me, so I wanted to blog about it here...

The song is called "Nightminds," and when I first heard it my eyes watered. The words in it are the very kind of words that I believe individuals struggling with depression desperately need to hear from at least someone that they love. Someone who can aid them in their lonely fight. Someone who cares and won't avoid them simply because "depressed people bring me down." Someone whose words are: True. Honest. Empathetic. Comforting. Encouraging. Social support and empathic understanding are critical factors in being able to come out of depression.

Depression is such a dark place that it is almost impossible to get out of it without someone there to lend us their hand and lead us out of the darkness...

"Nightminds"

Just lay it all down.
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know
I know
I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,

I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
out of our nightminds, and into the light
at the end of the fight...

You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, but the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know
I know
I know,
it's easier to let go.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
and into the light at the end of the fight.

Written by. Missy Higgins

P.S., If you listen to her songs, come back and tell me what you think!

"Broken Children"

2006-01-30T21:59:00.000-08:00

I say I want to counsel adults.
Not children.
Not teens.
Just adults.
Yet the truth of the matter is
I will always counsel children, too.
The children who were once happy…
The children who were once innocent…
The children who once laughed and smiled…

The children who got hurt at some point.

Those children who were no longer happy…
Those children who were still innocent…
Those children who lost their laughter and smiles…
Those children...
Forced to die
Before their time to go.
Those children...
Who became adults.

So much of who a person is
Is based upon who they were.
It’s hard to admit it
And some often ignore it.
Some repress it,
Forgetting the injustices;
Some forget the names they were called;
Forgetting the scars…
Forgetting the tears…
Forgetting the wounds.
Forgetting the shame.
Some give in.
Some internalize their punishments,
Forever punishing themselves…
Believing they are, indeed, "no good."
Some eventually take an eternal vacation
All because someone else’s heart went on vacation.

Yes, I will always counsel those broken children.

By. Holly H.

What Do You Think?

2006-01-29T22:00:00.000-08:00

I came across this post on a website I tend to frequent. I am not sure if the woman wrote it herself (if so, she's a good writer), but it caused some debate. Although I can see how one would think the idea behind it to be clever, I don' t really like what it implies:

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like a lot of others her age, she considered herself to be a liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed of her father, who was a staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs.

He responded by asking her how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather proudly that she had a 4.0 GPA and let him know it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing? She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes. She never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She always goes to the parties on & off campus and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's hung over."

Her father asked her, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time and a lot of hard work while Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

Her father smiled, and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

One person replied to her post, "I have to disagree with the logic here. You seem to be implying that those that aren't wealthy aren't hard workers..that they are all slackers. It would be nice to live in a world in which your income matched your effort. But it isn't that simplistic. There are wealthy people that do nothing but party all the time (think Paris Hilton) and there are poor people who work long shifts of physically demanding manual labor...these people barely make enough to get by and finding something better is not impossible, but nearly so."

I couldn't agree with this person more. It might feel good to be a Republican and joke about "those damn, lazy ass Democrats" but the truth of the matter is that reality just isn't that black and white. Further, and in reversal, reality is not that black and white when Democrats joke about those "damn, heartless Republicans," either.

In agreeing with the person's comment two paragraphs above this one, there were many times during my internship in the hospital where I clearly saw what she was talking about. As an intern in medical case management, I did a lot of work with the "self-pays" that came there to the private hospital. I will never forget this one patient whom I was interviewing. He was the type of person whom, I would assume, most people would assume would vote on the democratic ticket. During the interview, in discussing resources, the man broke down and began crying hysertically. Asking him what he was thinking about, he told me that he was working three jobs before being hospitalized and that he was worried he was going to lose time, money, and his jobs. This filtered into his fears of not being able to put food on the table for his family. It was a really troubling situation.

The fact of the matter was that I had seen many other people in situations very similar to his -- people who were actually working their behinds off yet barely making it. Believe it or not, this is actually a widespread societal problem that is often, sadly, pushed away to the side as being one big, hopeless sob story.

Sometimes there are so many barriers in society (particularly within a capitalistic economy) that, whether one be born into them or stopped by them somewhere along the road, it is almost impossible to get around them without some form of help. And, sometimes, even when there is help, it is still never, ever enough...

And that's no joke.

The Thing I Don't Like

2006-01-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

I understand that having a positive attitude is important to living a decent, well-balanced life. Yet, I further believe that, when negative thoughts and feelings do arise in life (which happens from time to time in all of us), individuals are better off expressing them in some way in a positive outlet (whether it be to a trusted friend; a beloved parent; on a blog; or within the pages of a hand-held journal) rather than repressing those thoughts and feelings [perhaps out of fear of appearing negative]. So, tonight I would just like to be negative for a bit, right here, on my blog. I want to talk about something I "don't" like about myself, and that is:

My voice.

I do not like my voice. I have been self-conscious about it most of my life, but it has only recently begun to get on my nerves since I started my internship in counseling. It's too high-pitched and shaky (and if it sounds high-pitched inside my head, who knows what it sounds like to others?!). I am not saying that I dislike high-pitched voices on others necessarily, but just on myself mostly. I suppose I feel like it doesn't fit who I am or who I envision myself to be.

Don't get me wrong. I do not desire to have a masculine voice at all; just one that is a little bit deeper, that's all. I think it would help me in my career also, as I feel a little bit of a deeper voice may sound somewhat more professional and less like I have yet to hit puberty.

So, that's my ounce of negativity for the day. Just getting it out has been a pound of cure!

Gender Roles: Humorous & Sad Thoughts

2006-01-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

In my wintermester class we talked about the issue of gender roles and stereotypes. I always find this to be an intriguing subject for discussion. I, myself, grew up as a tomboy and I also grew up in a family that had very non-traditional gender roles. So, enjoy the following...

On Being a Tomboy

Back in the days, children who liked to dabble in the gender roles of the opposite sex were often considered to have some sort of pathology. “They’re sick in the head,” or “They must have had a brain injury or birth defect or something.” And, what’s more, they were often considered to be gay or lesbian or destined for one of the two labels, as they grew older. It’s nice to see that times have changed a lot since then, well, for girls that is.

“Girly” Things = B-O-R-I-N-G

Until about the age of 12 or 13, I was very unique from my female peers as far as interests were concerned. While the other girls in my classes were experimenting with makeup and “training bras,” or collecting their Barbie and Kens, I was experimenting with the Pittsburgh Pirates, card collecting, bike jumping, roof climbing, and Ninja Turtle buying. Those things, in my eyes, were much more mind-stimulating than the aforementioned. I couldn’t understand why any girl would prefer a Barbie to a G.I. Joe – after all, one could bend Joe’s legs and arms any which way they pleased (thanks to the internal rubber bands), but one couldn’t bend Barbie’s legs or arms at all. She was as useful as a stiff. Also, a big kudos to the Ninja Turtles – my life wouldn’t have been the same without them.

Pink = Hell No!

Another big “girly” thing was, and obviously is, the color pink. My mom knew good and well not to buy me anything that was pink because either (a) it would be going back to the store or (b) it would be going to Goodwill. I don’t know what it was about “pink” that made me despise it so. Maybe I felt that it symbolized some sort of weakness – especially in the eyes of my male friends, whom I was always in competition with – whether it was sports, a subject, or whatever. Nowadays, I actually enjoy the color pink! Odd? Hmm.

Boyfriends = Better than Girlfriends

Most of my close friends back in those days were boys (of course, I did always have a healthy number for friends who were girls, too). Girls were whiney little babies whose only cares were pink and vanity. Of course that was a terrible stereotype, I think a lot of former tomboys out there could probably relate to me on this one. The guys just seemed to fit my interests better as far as sports, toys, and even TV shows were concerned. Plus, one of my boyfriends was always jealous of the fitted Pittsburgh Pirates cap I always wore!

Revealing Clothing = No Way!

First of all, little girls should NOT wear any kind of clothing that relates to the word “revealing.” However, there were some girls that would wear v-neck blouses or oval-shaped neck tops. Those were not for me. It was always a t-shirt (and jeans) and nothing that showed too much of my lower neck or chest area. For some reason I didn’t like this and, I suppose, I still don’t care much for low-cut tops and any other such thing. Makes me feel naked for some reason. Also, no dresses or leotards – I especially considered leotards to be revealing – too tight, showing too much of the figure.

On Boys Who Like Girls Stuff

I am not really sure what the term is for boys who like to dabble in the interests and roles of girls (well, I know the term “sissy,” but that’s not good). Whatever the case, there really hasn’t been much progress as far as liberal thinking is concerned in this area. Nowadays it is okay for girls to like boys toys and games much more than their own, yet if a boy wishes to “throw a tea party” or wear a dress (a “pink” one, be it), most people (I would think) would think there was something seriously wrong with the boy. This is really sad.

The other night I was watching the show “20/20” about this woman who decided to live as a man for two years, in order to see what it was like to live in a man’s world, and then wrote a book about her experience (which sounds like a good book!). On the show she made some striking comments. She said that women, in general, really have no clue as to what it’s like to be a man. She said it is not any easier to be a man than it is to be a woman. A reason? In her experiment, she found that male-to-male friendships have little, if almost non-existent, emotional expressivities, unlike female-to-female friendships. It’s a very cold world with few people around to “vent” to. By the time a male reaches adulthood, she says, he has typically had all forms of meaningful emotional expressivities beaten out of him by society. It’s “inappropriate” for boys to cry; to be sissies. It’s more appropriate to turn it into anger. Well, I have always heard this but I really just wanted to reiterate how true I think this probably is – how sad I think this is.

What do you think about all this?

Profound Quotes For Your Pleasure

2006-01-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

Hope you enjoy!

"Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard." – Unknown

"As long as any individual is discriminated against or is oppressed because of sex, race, religious beliefs, age, or sexual orientation, social workers are not doing their jobs at an optimal level, and everyone is in jeopardy because oppression breeds oppression." - Dulaney & Kelly (1982)

“Think of someone of ‘average’ intelligence. Then think half the world is dumber than that.” – Unknown

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.” – Albert Einstein

“Maybe we hate because we love.” – Holly Herr

“You go to school, you get a master's degree, you study Shakespeare and you wind up being famous for plastic glasses.” - Sally Jessy Raphael

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie

“I never did give anyone hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.” – Harry S. Truman

“The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.” – Herbert Agar

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." – Mohandas Gandhi

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." - Mother Teresa

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4

“It is not ‘Do I have the right answer?’ but, rather, “Do I have the right question?” – Donald K. Granvold

“Children who are told to ‘stay inside the lines’ while coloring are apt to abandon all creativity.” – Donald K. Granvold

“Once you’ve loved somebody, it ain’t that easy to do.” – Dixie Chicks (Once You've Loved Somebody)

“When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone. When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.” – REM (Everybody Hurts)

"Living in a Song"

2006-01-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

(I've had my poetic groove on lately)

Have you ever wished
You could live in a song?
Found one you loved
That helped you get along?

A song whose words filled the air;
Could have been written by your own hand.
One that made you feel okay,
Despite you being stuck in quicksand.

Did you play it over and over,
Living in its chorus all the time?
Then, suddenly, did you tire of it?
Did you ditch it like it was crime?

Probably.

Happens to the best of us.

By. Holly H.

Rest In Peace

2006-01-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

Former bloggers...

Maybe they blogged once.
Maybe they blogged twice.
Maybe it was for a year.
Maybe they did it for a beer.

Whatever their intentions,
They’re no longer here.
They left us all in a fog
Whenever they left their blog.

By. Holly H.

"In Justice" Brings Justice to the Screen

2006-01-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

As many of you might agree, ABC has some of the best, most intelligent series airing on American primetime television right now. If you have yet to see Grey's Anatomy, you must. If you think you wouldn't be able to get into Desperate Housewives, you must at least watch an episode or two before settling on a judgment. Again, these are some of the best and brightest shows on tv right now. And, thankfully, yet another bright show can be added to ABC's primetime lineup: In Justice.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH A PREVIEW FOR "IN JUSTICE".

More and more these days we are hearing the stories of individuals who were wrongly convicted by a jury of their own peers, put behind bars, and then later, perhaps many years down the road, were set free when their innocence was proven. In Justice brings this reality to light. In the show, a team of investigators and lawyers working for The National Justice Project, an organization seeking to free the innocent and catch the truly guilty, work diligently to put together the pieces of complicated cases that ended up incarcerating innocent individuals.

From what was seen in last night's sneak preview episode, this show does not disappoint. In fact, it holds a great potential to bring tears to ones eyes.

In Justice premeirs this Friday, January 6th, at 9pm/8pm central, so don't miss it -- get someone to TiVO it or record it for you!

Recent Thoughts and Occurrences: Post Christmas Edition

2005-12-27T09:22:00.000-08:00

Christmas was decent this year even though it was just me, my mom, and my dad on Christmas day.
I wish my three brothers, my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two nephews could have celebrated with us though.
I spent Christmas Eve night (not the entire night) with my friend Dustin and his family.
Dustin and I did some last minute Christmas shopping the other day and he bought me a new purse from Old Navy. I love it!
This was an Unlce John's Perpetual Christmas ;). First my mom was going to give Uncle John's calendar to the extended family for Christmas but decided, last minute, not to do so. However, my aunt gave all the families one and then, a few days later, we got one in the mail from Uncle John himself.
On Christmas Eve morning, my cousin Grant (I believe he’s a 2nd cousin) passed away. His dad and some of the family were going to go hunting that morning and his dad went to wake him up but he never awoke. He was 25 and engaged. I was not close to him but I remember him from the family reunions and I always looked forward to getting to see him at the reunions. Sad.
I have been so sick since Christmas night. Fever, chills, headache, nausea, dry cough, sore muscles. I stayed in bed all day yesterday and my mom took care of me. I can’t recall the last time I was this sick.
My dad, Dustin (and possibly his mom), and many others in my hometown appear to have the same thing as well. So if you know where I grew up stay away from there.
And beware – it seems to start with a light cough the day before it hits you.
Yes, I’ve had a flu shot.
I saw the movie “Fun with Dick and Jane” the other night. It was okay but definitely nothing special or nothing I’d see again. I love Jim Carrey though.
In high school my friends used to tell me that I reminded them of a mixture between Jim Carrey and Alanis Morrisette. Hmm.
I have changed my mind. When I saw Cinderella Man for the first time I thought it was better than Million Dollar Baby. Now that I’ve watched it a second time (on Christmas Day), I’ve decided I like Million Dollar Baby better.
I am currently whitening my teeth with TresWhite whitening trays that my Dentist gave me. There are 10 trays to use for 10 days. After the first use I could tell a difference in the color of my teeth. However, my dentist told me I have what’s called Type C (or Type 3) teeth, which means they have a gray undertone rather than yellow (or something like that) and that Type C is the hardest to whiten and often don’t respond very well to whiteners. Oh well. I still have 4 or 5 trays left to go, so we’ll see!
I am going to try to start drinking lighter colored drinks – I don’t have a good feeling, however, about it lasting though. I am too much in love with Diet Dr. Pepper. Self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps?
P.S. My New Year’s resolution is to not have a New Year’s resolution.
I have two papers to write over the break and then a presentation to work on as soon as January 2nd rolls around.
This means I need to end this blog and try working on my homework.
Thanks for reading.

A Weekend in the Life of an Arachnophobic

2005-12-19T12:17:00.000-08:00

The other day my mother and I were driving down the road in her car, headed out to a Christmas get together with some of her friends, when terror struck!

Feeling the need to primp, I had pulled down the passenger side visor to look at myself in the visor's mirror. Upon pulling it down, I could have sworn I felt something fall down onto me. At first I looked around but failed to sight anything. Then, however, I found what I did not want to find -- a big, furry black and white spider (which just happened to be alive) resting right in between my legs and happily staring me in the face!

Panic set in! I frantically began wiggling around like a wounded snake, trying not to scream which I figured could have caused my mom to have a wreck. The evil looking spider then fell into my seat as I began holding myself up off of the seat, ready to hop into the back seat. All the while my mom was laughing at me. I managed to hit the spider with my wallet and it disappeared. At this point, my mom and I had reached our destination. I quickly jumped out of the car and my mom, not a bit afraid of spiders, got out of the car and inspected the situation in the passengers side area.

The spider was pronounced dead at the scene. Legs were everywhere. I had killed it with my wallet (which I later cleaned). I felt kind of guilty for murdering it, especially around the holiday season, so I said a nice prayer for it in my head. Come to think of it, that spider was probably more afraid of me than I was of it!

Oh well. Then, yesterday morning, just thinking the horror was over, I sat down at the breakfast table for breakfast and felt something crunchy on my leg. What was it? Well, it wasn't the crumbs from my food. No. It was the delicate, brown carcus of a deceased spider! I quickly lost my appetite. What is my deal with spiders this week? What's next? Ah!

Poetry Intelligence Quotient

2005-12-16T21:56:00.000-08:00

I took this quiz on Poetry.com to test my "Poetry IQ" and here are my results, which I thought were pretty cool:

9 out of a possible 11

Score Range: 8-11 "You have an excellent grasp of poetic form, structure, and technique. People at this level have generally taken advanced-level study in literature or have completed advanced poetry courses. They have often spent considerable time writing, developing their own poetic "voice," and their own techniques. People at this level, particularly if they can apply their knowledge of poetic form and structure to their own work, are considered among the most talented of poetic artists."

"Seven"

2005-12-16T16:53:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Ellison…

List 7 things to do before I die:

1. Have my own private practice in psychotherapy and counseling
2. Climb a mountain
3. See the 7 Wonders of the Medievil Mind
4. Go to the Vatican
5. Join a secret society
6. Own a farm with lots of animals
7. Write a lot of great books (non-fiction psyc related as well as general fiction)! Also, perhaps publish some of my poetry (not that it’s popular to read poetry, but ya know!)

List 7 things I cannot (or will not) do:

1. Use illegal drugs (will not)
2. Drive while drunk (will not)
3. Go to school naked (will not)
4. Stop learning (will not)
5. Stop reading journal articles after I graduate (will not)
6. Dance (That’s a cannot – not a will not)
7. Live without the internet (will not)

List 7 things that attract me to my spouse (or Opposite Sex):

1. Intelligence
2. A decent body and appearance (It’s only natural!)
3. Sense of humor
4. Compassion
5. Good listening skills
6. Open-mindedness
7. Truthfulness

List 7 things I say most often:

1. “Really?”
2. "For real”
3. "Groovy"
4. "Whatever"
5. "Dude!"
6. "’Sup?"
7. "Totally!”

List 7 books or series that I love:

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Angels & Demons (Dan Brown)
3. The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork (John C. Maxwell)
4. Man’s Search for Meaning (Dr. Viktor Frankl)
5. To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
6. Developing the Leader Within You (John C. Maxwell)
7. The Testament (John Grisham)
(There are many more but either I can’t think of them or I have run out of room!)

List 7 movies I would watch over and over again:

1. Forrest Gump
2. The Green Mile
3. Life as a House
4. Catch Me if You Can
5. Pearl Harbor
6. Now and Then
7. The Scent of a Woman
(Seven movies are not enough!)

List seven people I would love to join in (if they haven't already done so):

1. Shannon
2. Tricia
3. J-Walker
4. Shaheen
5. Janaye
6. Angie
7. Anybody else who wants to!

Women of the Asylum

2005-12-14T21:29:00.000-08:00

Right now I am reading the book "Women of the Asylum" by. Jeffrey L. Geller and Maxine Harris. This is a required book for the wintermester course I am taking. Although we don't have to read the whole book, I have already read about half of the way through it (and I just bought it on Tuesday!), as have a number of my classmates. It is an intriguing read. If you liked Susanna Kaysen's "Girl, Interrupted," or other such stories of women and mental illness (or supposed "mental illness"), you might enjoy this book.

The book presents the first-hand accounts of 26 women who were incarcerated at some point during the years 1840 to 1945 in what were once termed "insane asylums". Some of the women were behind asylum walls for a year, while others were incarcerated for more than twenty years. Whether or not each of these women were truly "insane" is for the reader to decide.

Many of the women were put behind asylum walls for simply disobeying their husbands, for expressing unpopular religious beliefs, for spending too much money, and many other questionable, and often unreasonable, circumstances. A lot of the women were incarcerated for not adhering to the societal norms of the feminine role and the book seems to do a good job of telling this aspect. Furthermore, a vast majority of the women, once claimed to be "insane" by someone (a husband, a parent, a doctor) were never allowed the time of day to explain themselves, their thoughts or their actions, and rarely, if ever, was the mental health of the accusers looked into.

One woman inmate mentioned a sign that hung above the asylum entrance that read "Who enters here must leave all hope behind." The majority of women in the book speak of the many horrors of the asylums such as being chained to the floor in shackles, hearded up like sheep, nibbled on by rats, slapped and cursed at by nurses, degraded, dehumanized, and all the time having seemingly nobody as their advocates.

Some women in the book talk about how the asylums broke them in the end. Broke their spirits. Broke whatever true bit of sanity they had possessed. These women would spend a long time simply trying to recover from their experiences surrounding asylum life.

There's a lot more to say about this book but I will refrain from saying it all here. If the chance arises, read this book! History, like this, is so very important to stay in touch with. In the end, the accounts of the women in this book serve to remind me of how far society has come from those days. We still have our troubles, as all societies do, to work on -- but nothing like the mentally ill experienced back in the days. After reading this book, one might want to ask themselves, "If I were around back in those days, might I have been incarcerated in the asylums?" You might be surprised at your answer.

The Night Before Christmas?

2005-12-13T21:21:00.000-08:00

This is just a random poem I wrote. It has nothing to do with me or anyone else I know. Sometimes I just think up weird things (stories, scenarios) in my head and then write about them! Enjoy!

"The Night Before Christmas?"

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
or at least I thought so,
when I waited for Santa
to come in from the snow.

I’d offer him cookies
and maybe some milk too.
If he didn’t want them,
I’d see what else I could do.

The hours flew by
and still he hadn’t shown.
Was this some sort of joke?
I felt so alone.

Then suddenly, in the chimney,
there arose such a clatter.
I went to check it out
to see what was the matter.

What happened next?
I’m not really sure.
I somehow awoke
to the words “There’s no cure.”

Something was wrong,
things just didn’t seem right.
As it turned out,
Christmas eve wasn’t that night.

In a room I was put
where the walls were padded.
A nurse called me “schizo,”
and said I was “combative.”

I don’t understand why
they let me believe
Christmas eve was that night.
Heavens! Now I just want to leave!

By. Holly H.

Games To Ask For This Holiday Season

2005-12-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

Do you like or want any of these?

In alphabetical order...

CATCH PHRASE - If you have never played this game you are missing out! This game is a sort of mixture of Taboo and Hot Potato. Players must try to describe a word without saying the actual word or any part of it. As soon as the other person or persons on their team guess the word they must pass the word giver to the other team. The team who gets stuck with the word giver when the timer goes off loses that round. Very addicting!

CRANIUM - What could be more fun than humming, whistling, sketching, sculpting, spelling backwards, acting, solving puzzles, and answering trivia all in one game? I must say, though, "Data Head," is hell!

ENCORE - Two teams exist. A word or category is given. Teams must go back n' forth singing songs that contain the given word or songs having to do with a given category (e.g., Christmas). This is SUCH a fun game to play with a lot of friends! However, as I have found, one really must pay attention to make sure people are not making up songs and saying, "Oh yeah. Of course it is a song. It's an... uuum... campfire song. Yeah. That's it. A campfire song."

THE GAME OF LIFE - Start Life by either going to college or not going to college (without the hassle of having to argue with your parents). Get married (the pink and blue human figurines -- that fit into the car one goes through "Life" in -- can accomodate both heterosexual and homosexual relationships). Have kids (twins, even!). Go to mars. Win a film festival. Lose your home in a disaster. Retire. The possibilities in "Life" are endless.

PASS THE BOMB - A card with three letters on it is drawn from a stack. A dice is rolled which determines where players must use the three letters in a word (e.g., anywhere; anywhere but the beginning of the word; etc.). All player must come up with a word containing those letters in whatever place they belong. The bomb is passed. When the bomb blows, the player whose hand it was in loses that round and must keep the card. Those with the least cards in the end win. This really gets the mind on a roll!

PIT - This is, by far, the funnest card game I have ever played!
It is not normal cards that are used. They are cards that have the
names of different types of grains on them (e.g., "Oats" or, as my
friends and I like to call it "Opium," because it starts with an "O"). Players must trade cards with one another, not knowing what the card is, with hopes of collecting all cards of the same grain (plus or minus a "bull" or a "bear" in certain situations). The first one with all the cards who
rings the bell wins. This game gets SO loud -- and that's what makes
is SO fun! No need to wear hearing aides in this game!

SCATTERGORIES - A dice is rolled that determines a letter of the alphabet. Then, players have a sheet of paper with a number of different categories on it in which they must come up with a word for those categories and which begins with the letter that was rolled. The goal is to get as many words as possible before the timer runs out. Note: When the letter is "A" and the category is "Types of Furniture," the phrase "Antique Dresser" doesn't count! haha. Also, it's funny when a group of 5 or 6 people get the letter "W" and the category "Fruits" and nobody thinks to put "Watermelon," let alone any other word!

UPWORDS - I am the champion of this game! Based off of the
popular game of Scrabble, players simply build words as they do in
Scrabble yet can also stack letters on top of each other (to a 5-high
limit) in order to create new words. This game is VERY addictive!

Guest Author #2: Donika Martinez

2005-12-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

The guest author of the following entry is another dear friend of mine, the great Donika Martinez. Donika is currently a pre-med student, planning to be a physician (and who will make a very good one at that). I have been friends with her for many, many moons. She and I were doubles partners in college tennis as well as suite mates at one point (our dorm rooms shared a bathroom). Had we beaten this particular doubles team in our last regional match together, she and I would have been headed to nationals in Tuscon, Arizona. Although we didn't win, we still played amazingly awesome!

Donika and I have many fond memories together. Some of the things I remember are:

Taking random midnight drives with her through the local cemetary; She and I getting pulled over by a cop (for squealing my tires) and her laughing at me as I pleaded with the officer, "Please don't give me a ticket. I just got out of defensive driving." Also, we were laughing on the phone awhile ago about this one time when I had about 10-12 girls all piled into my jeep to go see a "glowing" tombstone in a cemetary in a near by town. One of the girls, on the basketball team, somehow sprained her ankle in my backseat. LOL! Those are just a few of the many fond memories I share of and with Donika. She's a wonderful friend and a great person to know. So, here I present Donika's entry, which I really enjoy, called "Desperate to Meet Equilibrium":

"Desperate to Meet Equilibrium"

It’s almost everyday that I struggle to be everything that everybody wants me to be. The Good student, the Good straight daughter, the Good Christian, the Good employee, and the Good friend. I find myself tearing my mind apart figuring how I can please everyone at the same time. I’m often stressed over everybody else stressing over me. What can I do to improve our situation, how can I make you feel better, how can I help you? The real question is will you HELP ME? Yeah that’s right I’m not going to beat around the bush with you and say that I don’t need you but I do more than you think. I’m strong, on the outside, I’m confident, on the outside, I’m well organized, on the outside. In the inside I’m scared of the world and it succeeding over me, making me feel inferior, intimidation and defeat, drawing every bit of energy out of me and laughing at me and saying I beat you today! Pleasing is for the willing, for the those who go beyond themselves to do unto others as they do unto you. A verse yes but is it an action, maybe. Doing is sometimes seeing and seeing is sometimes doing. I’m tired of doing, tired of seeing, tired of not meeting far more than half way with everybody. Yes, I will continue to struggle for that balance of trust, giving, living and studying. I will not say I will be defeated by anyone or anything, or let the stress of everyday living bind me by my hands. But I will say this, CAN I GET SOME FREAKING ME TIME PLEASE!!!

"Being Human"

2005-12-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought
How lucky you are
To say you are
Human?

To be an ant means
To get stepped on.
It means gramps dyin’
In a raid by Pest Control.

To be a deer means
Your head getting mounted.
It means stuck in the grill
Of a ’57 Chevy at 50 mph.

To be a mouse means
You’re treated like a louse.
It means finding the gouda
Then suddenly being gone-ah.

To be a cow means
To be a Happy Meal.
It means being happy
Isn’t always happy.

To be a human means
To be alive.
It means we my die too
But with a greater chance of dignity.

By. Holly H.

Guest Author #1: Candice Tomancak

2005-11-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

I am starting a new thing on my blog where I'll occasionally have entires from "guest authors". So, I have asked a few people to be guest authors -- to write anything, on any topic -- and will ask more people, maybe you, to be guest writers down the line. Most of those I asked this time do not have blogs, that I know of. Whatever the case, I am interested to see who I can get to be guests in the future. Maybe I'll ask President Bush... haha ;).

The first guest author is a dear friend of mine, Candice Tomancak. Candice and I go way, way back -- back to the days when we played little league softball together. She is currently a pre-law student at a really cool university I am familiar with.

Candice is an excellent, intellectual writer whose poetry I always look forward to reading. In fact, she has written me a poem or two for my birthdays in the past, which was cool. So, here I present her submission...

"The Sands of Time"

Careless and free
I glide through the air
Pushing through my thoughts
Past a place of loneliness

Distortion sets in
While I try to understand
The recent events
That have come and gone

On the outside
A smile hides my pain
Of what my life is
And what it should be

On the inside
I torment myself
Wondering how to reach
A place of forgiveness

To heal my heart
And mend the broken paths
My life has taken
Through an endless maze

In this moment
Time stands still
Waiting for me
To awaken from its grasp

In the distance
A ray of light
Shines brightly above
Beckoning my presence

Staring straight ahead
My eyes fixed on hope
Knowing I have the strength
To carry on

Written by. Candice Tomancak

RENT: See it in the Next 525,600 Minutes

2005-11-28T21:05:00.000-08:00

This weekend a friend and I saw "RENT," the movie version of the hit broadway musical. I must admit, when my friend said he wanted to see this movie I thought to myself, "Ugh, I don't like musicals. I'm not a 'musical' person." Yet, I decided to open up my mind and give it a chance to see what I would find. What I found was a very impressive film with a good message and addicting songs!

The synopsis of RENT goes something like this:

"Based on Puccini's classic opera 'La Boheme,' Jonathan Larson's revolutionary rock opera "Rent" tells the story of a group of bohemians struggling to live and pay their rent in the gritty background of New York's East Village. 'Measuring their lives in love,' these starving artists strive for success and acceptance while enduring the obstacles of poverty, illness and the AIDS epidemic." - Rebecca Murray, About.com

This movie has such a powerful message imbedded within its songs and stories -- that message being to value love, life, friendships, and relationships.

The story behind the musical may not appeal to some parties as it deals with many controversial issues such as drug abuse, same-sex attraction, and AIDS, just to name a few. Some parts of the movie, take for instance a very erotic dance scene, may not be pleasing to some viewers eyes. I found this scene to be a little on the "that's a bit sick, put some clothes on" side. There are some other scenes like this, too. If you can handle these, you will see a good movie -- one that may even bring tears to your eyes.

Even if you don't care to see the movie for the storyline and the message, the songs are worth hearing. I admit, there were a rare few songs where I thought "umm, that sucks -- it doesn't even sound like a song."

To listen to some of the songs (thanks to JWalk for this link), click here, then click on "Enter the Site" over on the right side of the screen. At the bottom, there's a spot that says "Launch Rent Music Player" and you can click on it and hear some of the songs.

My favorite song from the movie is:

"Seasons of Love" (which I believe is the theme song)

COMPANY
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so Dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?
In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons Of Love
Seasons Of Love

SOLOIST #1

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Journeys To Plan
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
The Life Of A Woman Or A Man?

SOLOIST #2

In Truths That She Learned
Or In Times That He Cried
In Bridges He Burned
Or The Way That She Died

ALL

It's Time Now - To Sing Out
Tho' The Story Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year
In The Life Of Friends

Remember The Love
Remember The Love
Remember The Love
Measure In Love

SOLOIST #1

Measure, Measure Your Life In Love

Seasons Of Love...Seasons Of Love

Also, here's an outtake from another song I liked:

From "Finale B":

There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget Regret Or Life Is Yours To Miss

No Other Road
No Other Way
No Day But Today

I Can't Control
My Destiny
I Trust My Soul
My Only Goal
Is Just To Be

Squirrels Need Rest, Too

2005-11-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

Here's a pic I took yesterday while I was up at the library. This squirrel was all sprawled out on the arm of that bench and it just looked so funny.

Pets I Wish I Had

2005-11-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

Gizmo.
(But constantly having to keep him away from water would get old!)

I think this dog just needs a little love, that's all!
(Okay, maybe an exorcism, too?)

Sugar Glider.
(These things are SO cute!)

Lemur.
(Hmm... I wonder if he can waltz?)

Puggle.
(They're the new craze - a mixture of pug and beagle!)

Vampire bat.
(Just stay away from my neck!)

James Blunt: Simply Amazing!

2005-11-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

I think I'm in love! This morning on The Today Show, the current #1 artist in the UK, James Blunt, made his first nationallly televised appearance in the U.S. singing his hit song "You're Beautiful," a song he wrote as a result of seeing an old girlfriend with a new boyfriend on the subway. Oh my, his voice is absolutely hypnotic and so is his life. Read on...

Click here to see the music video "You're Beautiful"

According to his website, Blunt went to University to study Aerospace Manufacturing Engineering and Sociology, joined the army (his family has been in one type of army or another since 995 A.D.), was a peace maker in serb villages, guarded The Queen, and helped bury The Queen Mother. Indeed, what a life at only 28 years old:

"From birth in a military hospital in Tidworth, to Harrow School, to Aerospace Manufacturing Engineering, to the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, to The Household Cavalry, to Kosovo, to Buckingham Palace, to a recording studio in Los Angeles. How did James get from there to here? Only James Blunt’s hairdresser knows for certain, and either he isn’t talking or James cuts his own hair, and it’s up to you to join the dots – there are ten of them on the album."

And, after having done all this, he apparently, from what I saw on The Today Show, still misses (or at least gets sad about) the ex-girlfriend whom he wrote the song about yet says he never knows -- maybe a new girl will come along.

James, if you read blogs and happen to stumble across this post, please feel free to contact me for a date!

P.S. Roll me another "Blunt"

Yes, I am an Individual Who Writes Poetry.

2005-11-01T16:27:00.000-08:00

I have written a lot of poetry thus far in my lifetime. A lot of it is kind of out there and doesn't really relate to me specifically, but I like to tell a story (real or not). Also, I don't always follow typical poem formart I guess. Anyway, I have been wanting to post some of my poems on my blog for a while. So, below I have posted three poems. Some of these are older while some of these are newer. Whatever the case, they are ones I got good comments on which made me choose them. I plan to post more poems soon. Enjoy the reads!

"Labels"

It's scary to think
of being labeled disordered.
She's not right.
She's not okay.
Borderline.
Manic.
Depressive.
Life goes on.
You're in a stand still.
Help me!
Help me!
Damn will somebody help her!

Run away
Feel depressed
Fear abandonment
Cut yourself

It's what is expected.
It's easier for them to understand.

She was disordered.
She was ill.
And that was that.

Labels can be peeled.

By. Holly H.

"When Time is Weighed"

2005-11-01T16:23:00.000-08:00

NOTE: I wrote this poem just days before the September 11th attacks. Kinda freaky.

Tick Tock! The time is synchronized
that we all must become hypnotized
in a world that is scared to die.
What's beyond doesn't even know why.
Where laws are nothing but paper,
and cells are at times more safer.
Where ramblings of soul and mind,
surpass spirits of any one kind.
No kiss of death a saving grace,
no thought of God in this place.
The cultures are kept in some tact,
we have been weighed in compact.
Alpha omega measures for an eternity
no time at all left for a cup of tea.

By. Holly H.

"Animals in the Clouds Never Go Away"

2005-11-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

The clouds held shapes to every child,
whether a plain circle or something wild.
It was a moment of amazement and grace,
for a child to make-believe in this place.

However, that was then and this is now,
and today everyone's too grown up anyhow.
There's no more elephants in the clouds,
just sad people fearing their shrouds.

Forget about the smell of fresh air,
because life is never, ever very fair.
At least, this is what I was just told.
All these words, they are so old.

By. Holly H.

Rosa Parks: The Lady Who Stood for Justice

2005-10-31T16:02:00.000-08:00

Rosa Parks
(1913-2005)

Note: Please see the question at the end.

When I think back to the stories I actually remember from my history classes while growing up, the powerful story of Rosa Parks is one that definately marks my mind.

Parks, whose body currently lies in state in the rotunda of the U.S. capitol as the first female in our nation's history to ever recieve such an honor, certainly stood for something greater than just great and set an example for all to follow.

Indeed, the actions of a lone Rosa Parks on December 1, 1955, set into play what most historians consider to be the beginning of the modern civil rights movement. That day, Parks, a relatively unknown seamstress, refused to give up her seat to a white passenger on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama. She was arrested and charged with violating a city ordinance. However, what she had really violated was injustice.

"I was determined to achieve the total freedom that our history lessons taught us we were entitled to, no matter what the sacrifice." - Rosa Parks

Wow! Can you imagine? Can you imagine yourself doing what Rosa Parks did on that cold day in December -- standing up for the freedom(s) that our history lessons tell us we are all entitled to? It certainly takes some profound courage! Would you? Could you? -- Stand up for injustice.

Breaking Alabama law that day was defending justice. Rosa Parks was tired. Tired of injustice. Isn't it ironic to think of how much energy can arise from simply being "tired" of something? Talk about a galvanization of the soul!

This blog is my tribute to Rosa Parks, one who will always stand among the world's greats -- those whom have risked their lives and their freedom for what they felt was right and just.

In closing, I'd like to ask you this question that I heard posed on Dallas 106.1 KISS FM this morning:

Like Rosa Parks, who lies in state right now in our nation's capitol as the first woman to ever do so, and much deserved, can you think of another such heroic woman who may or might have deserved such an honor in their lifetime?

When All is Said and Done

2005-10-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

"God is, and has always been, watching," were the words Father Romero uttered as we sent a loved one far away into the heavens last June. I remember that day quite well. It had been raining non-stop from dawn to dusk. In fact, the wind was so bad that it nearly blew the vehicles, as well as the hearse carrying the body, off the road during the funeral procession. What a perfect, dark setting for a funeral. By the way, that funeral came totally unexpected.

Indeed, it was only a month earlier that I was walking across the stage at my college graduation ceremony during what was definately one of the proudest moments of my life. The family threw a big celebration for me that weekend and I got to see, and say goodbye to, many of my dear friends. It seemed like my life was headed down the right path. It only seemed that way though.

The funeral was only the first of a series of troubling events. I must note, however, that at some point in time my memory gets a bit blurry. Of what I am able to remember, none of it is pretty.

About a week after the funeral, I arrived at my family's house in Northern Mississippi to find that it had been robbed, vandalized, and completely desecrated. "What kind of people would do such a thing?" Childhood photos of my brother, sister, and I were ripped to shreds. Family portraits were spray painted with Nazi-like symbols. Why? Why would someone do this?

In the midst of rummaging through the destruction, something caught my eye as I glanced out the back window. It was a wooden cross planted beneath the willow tree in the center of the backyard. I set out to gain a closer perspective. What I found was astonishing. There, carved nicely into the heavy wooden planks of the cross were the words: "Here Lies Sweetie. The Meanest Dog Ever." My dog (might I note dog of seventeen years) was dead. Why the hell didn't anyone bother to tell me? Oh well, that wasn't the issue of the hour. What was more important was why the hell someone had desecrated the house! I needed some answers. Oddly enough, nobody was home. Maybe they were down at the police station filing a report or, better yet, kicking some hoodlem ass (pardon my french). With this in mind, I hopped into my Caddy and roared down toward to the police station.

On the way there, an explosion lit up the sky just ahead of me on the highway. I immediately slammed on my breaks and got out of the car to see what was going on. It appeared to have been a car accident. As I got closer, though still at a distance, I could see that there were several bystanders who appeared to be selflessly rescuing one of the drivers from the firery wreck. I began walking a little closer to the scene in hopes of providing some assistance. To my horror, things were not as they seemed!

I wasn't sure if had unconciously smoked some crack or what but, those "rescuers" I had seen, the ones that were apparently helping, were not helping at all! No. To my fear and disbelief, they were eating the wreck victims piece by piece. Seeing this, I vomited all over myself. "This can't be happening! What is WRONG with me?" At that moment, one of the "rescuers" made eye contact with me and signaled the others that there was "fresh meat." I was the fresh meat. Suddenly, in what was a marathon race for my life, I was running back to the Caddy with flesh-eating beasts right on my tail!

Thankfully I made it out of there alive. When I got far enough away I dialed 911 only to get no answer. "Those darn people need to get their act together!" I wasn't sure where to go from here. What I began to call "Flesh Eater's Highway," the sole route to the police station, was a no go. I couldn't go back that way. Thus, I pulled the Caddy over and began thinking for a moment. Suddenly, I saw a familiar face walking along the sidewalk. They didn't look zombified so I decided to take a chance and get out of the car to talk to them.

"They" were an old boyfriend, Luis Polatsky, that I had dated back in my early college days. Funny, but I never quite new what had happened to him after we broke up. He was always the wild-child, screw-the-world kind of person who, eventually, I remember, got into a lot of trouble of some sort.

"Luis?" I said. He turned around with a big smile and said, "Hi! Are you making out okay?"

Was I making out okay? Of course I wasn't making out okay! The family house was desecrated. My dog died. Not to mention the fact that I had almost become the dinner of a hungry bunch of former humans.

"Yes," I said. "I'm doing good." Then, he said, "Well, you seem to be taking it pretty well."

Pretty well? I must admit, that was a long time ago that you slept with my best friend. I am totally over it. I have moved on. Wait a second! What the heck was he talking about?

"What do you mean by 'taking it pretty well'?" I inquired. "Oh," he said. "You don't know?" and I replied "Apparently not. Nobody ever tells me anything anymore!"

What he said next would open my eyes for an eternity.

"You always looked good," he said. I thought to myself, "I am not in the mood to be hit on right now!" Then he continued, "Yes, you always looked good. Even at your funeral." [Pause]

A rush of memories suddenly shot through my mind and then "God no! Noooo! This can't be happening! This isn't true." Oh, but as time would tell, it was all so very true.

I was dead. That was MY funeral. This, as Luis would later point out to me, was my own hell.

Because of how I once lived, I am now eternally damned to the fear that comes with the desecration of the things I once loved, the fear of being eaten by flesh eating zombies, and the fear of what lies ahead.

If only I would have tried harder. If only I had been better. If only.

"Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." - Matthew 7: 21

by. Holly

Have a Happy Halloween!

Recent Thoughts & Occurances

2005-10-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

Anne Rice, the queen writer of dark novels such as the vampire-lover's “Interview with the Vampire,” and certainly one of the most incandescent, popular authors of our time, appears to have found God. According to the October 31st issue of Newsweek, Rice, 64, will be dedicating the rest of her life’s novels to Christ. In fact, her upcoming novel is entitled “Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt,” where a 7 year old Jesus is the narrator of his own story. Some say such a transition in focal point may hurt Rice’s ever-loyal fan base. I suppose only time will tell. I, for one, wouldn’t mind reading this newest book. To read the Newsweek article on Rice’s transition, click here.

Taking a course in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy this semester has been an extremely rewarding experience. My professor seems to be a brilliant man and has opened my mind up to an understanding of human thought and behavior that I had yet to fully encounter.

For instance, there is often a view in my field that depression is maladaptive and exists as a barrier to human functioning that must, therefore, be eliminated. Taking depression and examining it at face value, I would have to agree with this idea. However, from what is deemed a “Constructivist” standpoint, I would have to question otherwise. From a constructivist view, depression is not a maladaptive barrier to human functioning. Instead, it is a central and meaningful aspect in human development. Depression can actually serve a useful purpose in the pursuit of what is called human “self-actualization,” wherein a person reaches their full potential as a human being. Thus, instead of attempting to be “corrective” and eliminate the depression, the therapist and client are “creative” and build upon it. The client can still hold onto the depression yet form new meanings through it. Very intriguing to think of depression as being “adaptive”!

In other news, I never thought I’d be a cat lover. Sue me.

Thinking back to what I learned in my undergraduate Teams & Team Leadership class, it can definitely be a good idea to involve a third party to mediate a dispute between two people or two groups. However, I have often questioned the value of involving a third party that is a mutual friend. If not effective, such an approach can create more barriers to the problem solving process. Thus, and I am not perfect, I do strive to take problems to a non-mutual friend/relative if the problem cannot be solved between the two people/groups.

Stepping in cat barf can be quite the pleasant experience. In deed, the best part of waking up is getting cat barf between ones toes.

I hope my blog is still here when I go to the site to copy and paste this into a template. I, as you probably know, haven’t blogged in so long that it’s just plain scary.

I can’t wait for the next presidential elections.

How did your parents teach you about sex, puberty, the birds and the bees, and all that jazz? If you’re a girl, did your mom happen to buy you a book entitled, “The What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls”? My mom did. Never a talk. Just a book. And, I suppose, it worked! It is odd to think that not too far from now, many people my age will either be having to give “the talk” or a nice little book that says it all (and shows it all, as did the book my mom gave me).

I highly recommend the show "Grey's Anatomy". Excellent show! It airs Sunday nights on ABC at 9 pm cdt.

Well, it is time I wrap this thing up. Meanwhile, I recommend you check out http://www.ebaumsworld.com/ . ‘Tis one of my FAVE sites!

A Kind Deed From a Total Stranger

2005-09-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

A while back my sister, her husband, and their two children went out to dinner at a restaurant where they live in Ohio. At the end of their meal they asked for their ticket and the waitress said, "Oh don't worry, it's already been paid for." She continued, "The person who paid for your meal wants to commend you both on your wonderful parenting skills -- specifically the kindness and patience you have toward your children." My sister and her husband were both suprised. They didn't know who had so graciously paid for their meal but they were thankful.

A few weeks later, they went back to the same restaurant where the incident had taken place. While there, the waitress they had had last time came up to them and said, "Oh hi! I remember you all. You were the ones who got your meal paid for." My sister then told her how suprised she still was and also asked the waitress if she would tell her who paid for it. The waitress said she didn't have a name but only knew that he, the person, was a priest. Then the waitress said, "I don't know how you both do it. It's amazing how you handle your children with such grace and patience. It's something I don't always see working here."

My sister and her husband are now on the lookout to pay the gift forward to other parents. So, parents: Be good to your children always. You never know who may be watching.

Cognitive Distortions of Great Proportions!

2005-09-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

This semester I'm taking a course in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). In short, CBT deals with thoughts and emotions as being the foundation of behavior (which is probably not the best definition). Therapists often attempt to help the client change/modify their maladaptive behaviors and/or cognitive distortions, for example.

So, in today's class we briefly discussed a few of the typical cognitive distortions. I learned these in my undergraduate courses too and I still find them interesting:

Absolutistic Thinking - Looking at situations or experiences in an "all-or-nothing" way; Also known as "dichotomous thinking," or "polarized thinking." Thus, the person tends to categorize experiences, etc., in 1 or 2 opposite categories.

Example: "I am completely terrible at this" or "School sucks"

Overgeneralization - Taking [the concept of] what happens in one instance/situation and overextending it by applying it to other instances/situations, related or unrelated.

Example: "I'm no good at ping pong. Therefore, I'm not good at any racket sports."

Personalization - Relating a negative event to oneself even though there is no evidence to support that they themselves caused the event; OR believing one is the target of an [negative] event even though there is no evidence to support it.

Example: "If I would have been home, mom wouldn't have died." (person as cause)
Example: "That darn telemarketer called me just so I'd miss the best part of my soap opera!" (person as object of negative event)

Selective Abstraction - Taking a detail out of context and letting it be representative of the whole experience. Usually, the negative is focused on.

Example: Having an awesomely fun time for about 5 hours at a party and, during the party one has 5 minutes worth of a bad time, and then concludes that "This party sucked."

** It is much more common for people to selectively abstract the negative than it is for people to selectively abstract the positive.

Magnification/Minimization - Magnifying the negative and minimizing the positive.

Example: "I served in Iraq, won a Bronze Star, and became Mayor of the city. Anyone could have done it." (Minimization)

Example: "I am so angry that you forgot to put a new roll of toilet paper on." (Magnification)

Arbitrary Inference - Reaching or jumping to a [negative] conclusion when there is no evidence to support it.

Example: "I know he hates me." (mind reading)
Example: "I just know I am going to get struck by lightning." (negative prediction)

I'm an Addict

2005-09-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

How ironic! My last post was about crack and this post is about addiction. However, it is not the type of addiction you may think!

I have recently developed an insane addiction to...

Racket sports! (not weed)

I spent about 6 or 7 years of my life playing tennis (which I hope to play agian soon) and now I have begun playing ping-pong and raquetball. I wonder how long this will last? I must have a thing for swinging rackets and flying balls. Recently, I have found myself wanting to play ping-pong practically everyday.

A few of my friends up here play and I am so glad! My friend Makiyo and I have been playing a lot. She's pretty good. So are the others I've been playing with. Forrest Gump would be proud. ;)

As for raquetball, Makiyo just bought her racket and goggles this weekend and then I followed. There are two courts here where I live and now I am finally going to utilize them. I have no idea how to keep score and the goggles look REAL sexy on me. Whatever the case, it is fun.

I hope I can play after class tonight! Yay!

Oh crap -- I still have homework to do before class tonight. Later!

P.S. If you're up for ping pong, hit me up.

Today's Lesson: How to Make Crack (And Feel Good Doing It)

2005-09-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

Last week I wrote a post about the very interesting class, or rather "professor," I am taking right now. I have a feeling more strange "lessons" will come about as the semester progresses.

Today's Lesson: How to make crack

Although our prof didn't go into too much detail about the ingredients, she did tell some of the basic necessities for making crack as well as how to smoke it and how wonderful it feels to get high. Though, she later explained that she herself has never actually smoked crack and that the only reason she hasn't is because she is already crazy enough as it is and that getting high would definately land her in the psyc ward.

Also, she explained that the sentence for possession of:

5 grams of crack versus 500 grams of powder cocaine...

is the exact same. Interesting.

Crack = the cheapest stuff to score; "barely does anything for ya."

Finally, she talked about how some people have never gone anywhere (as in on a vacation trip) in their lives and that "crack is the only trip they'll ever take."

Interesting thought.

(Note: I posted this last night but then deleted it today and then, later, decided to repost it again. Thank you if you commented earlier -- I have put your comments (which were in my e-mail) in the comments section. Also, no thanks to you if you were one of those annoying automated things that leaves senseless comments!)

Where Were You When...

2005-08-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

It's strange to think of the things we humans experience during our lifetimes. Everyone inevitably encounters incredible things and has amazing stories they can share with others down the road and, tonight, I just got to thinking about some of the headline stories I (and most likely most of you) have already experienced during my 24 years of life on this earth. I must say, twenty four years seems like a long time to have lived already -- a long time to have lived, to have learned, and to have loved. For this blog, I would just like to mention where I was during certain events in history and then ask you to reply to the question: WHERE WERE YOU WHEN these occured? It doesn't have to be for all of them if you don't have the time.

Here are only a few of the many, mainly tragic, Headline stories I remember, including where I was at the time when I heard the news (I must note that these are just a few off the top of my head and are not in any type of order; Again, these are just a handful of millions of headlines stories. Also, one should be reminded: just because it wasn't a national headline doesn't mean it wasn't important):

The Death of Princess Diana - It was around midnight and I had been sleeping on the couch in the den of my old house. My mom came in, frantically woke me up, turned on the tv and said, "The paparazzi has killed Princess Diana!" Shocked, I asked who the paparazzi was -- the word itself sounded very scary -- as if some acid-trip gang from "Alice n' Wonderland" had done her in. Just to note: To my knowledge, my mom no longer believes the paparazzi was to blame.

Tragedy at Waco/The Branch Dividians - I was in the 6th grade and my family and I had been paying close attention to the news covering the standoff there at the cult compound. One day, my dad picked me up from school and said, "Well, they killed the Branch Dividians today" (not that I agreed either way). It was quite a shock. We stayed up really late watching the news that night.

Oklahoma City Bombing - I am not quite sure where I was when I heard the news of the tragedy. However, something that still stands out in my mind when I think about this tragedy is the famous picture of the firefighter carrying the body of a deceased baby whom was covered in ashes. Absolutely horrifying.

Columbine - I don't remember where I was when I heard the news, but the news stories were just shocking and horribly saddening. All I can still ask is "WHY?"

O.J. Aquitted - I am not positive, but I think I was a freshman in highschool. I remember walking out of my class, into passing period, and hearing an older classmen yell into the halls "The Juice is Loose!" and people started cheering. The atmosphere was definately one of a hyper one, despite whether or not people agreed with the verdict.

Columbia Space Tragedy - I believe my mom called me early that morning and told me to turn on the tv. I turned it on and saw, on nearly all channels, that the Columbia had exploded. My mom had actually been outside at the time of explosion and described it as a "Sonic boom that shook the ground." Much of the debris fell in and around my hometown county.

September 11th - I began this Tuesday morning like any Tuesday morning. I woke up a little before 7 a.m., turned on "The Today Show" with my pals Katie Couric and Matt Lauer, got dressed, and headed out the door to my 8 a.m. Psyc Tests & Measurements class. After class had gotten out, a friend, Kristy, had asked me to walk clear across campus with her to the campus center. Strangely, I usually didn't take such a detour since my next class (at 9:30 a.m.) was in The Walling Lecture Hall, right on the side of campus where my 8 a.m. class had been. Whatever the case, I decided to take the detour.

When we entered the campus center, there were at least 30 or 40 people crowded around the main tv that was mounted in the center of the room. I wasn't quite sure what to think at first but I knew it had to be pretty bad as I heard the words "hijacking" on the tv. One girl in the crowd said, "Where are the World Trade Centers?" The world would soon know...

I remember then going to my 9:30 class only to have the professor let us out after 10 minutes, telling us to go home, pray, and watch tv because we were "witnessing history." So, I went home. As I walked in the door my phone was ringing and it was my sister, asking if I had heard and telling me she was scared. Then, my mom called. Then, my dad. The rest of my day (and many to come) was spent glued to my tv -- the innocent words of Katie Couric (from re-runs) lingering in my head, "It appears as if a plane has just flown into the World Trade Center."

One of the many things that stood out to me during those first few critical hours was seeing people's loved ones lined up by the hundreds up and down the streets of New York, holding pictures of their loved ones up to the tv cameras, tearfully pleeing things such as, "If you have seen him, please please please call...," or "If you are out there, please let me know you're okay. I love you." It makes my eyes tear up to think that most of those people never saw their loved one again.

September 11th, 2001, was probably the most silent day I had ever heard on campus.

Hurricane Katrina - Absolutely devastating. I have followed the storm very closely ever since it became of concern several hundred miles off shore. I cannot begin to imagine what those individuals suffering the devastation are going through. I have seen several stories of people separated from family members with no way of contacting them. Just tonight there was a story on the news about newborns being flown to Medical City in Dallas for care -- many of the babies' mothers were not able to be reached to tell them where they were taking the baby. There are so many stories of destructions that it is unbelieveable. This storm is going to effect everyone in the nation.

Hmm...

2005-08-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of class for one class that I switched into. I like the class but I must say a little bit about my professor (hopefully you will get a kick out of this):

I could tell the professor was a bit unusual from the time she was calling roll -- the little things she'd say and do. Also, she had a big "Sonic" cup that I am beginning to wonder about. One should always be suspicious of what is in those things ;) ! Here is where it gets good: Class is three hours long. During class we are allotted one 15 minute break. Well, at the very end of our break, our professor comes into the room and pulls her pack of cigarettes out from her bag. She grabbed one or more of them out of the pack and then looked as if she were going to light up right there in the class room. Then, however, she began looking for her car keys and couldn't find them. She said, "Who took my car keys? Come on -- who has them (being sarcastic -- uuum, I'm pretty sure!)? If you have them I will beat you down!" So, after realizing they were not going to be found in the room, she said, "Well shit. I'm just gonna go smoke my cigarettes" and walked out.

So, finally she came back in the room and talked for another 20 minutes or so and then said, "Does anyone feel like taking another break??" as if she had wanted to take one herself. We, as a class said no -- no break. So, then she randomly gets to talking about the Bible. She goes way into depth and started talking to us about Paul/Saul and the books he wrote, etc. and even to who had Jesus put to death. It didn't seem to fit into the class content all that much, but it was fun to hear her talk.

By the end of the class we were told we needed to "Open ourselves to the universe and let the universe speak to us" in order to become great counselors. At first I thought it sounded whack, but now I suppose I see what she meant by it.

This should be an interesting semester!

You probably just should have been there.

Me? Tagged?

2005-08-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

I've Been Tagged, Too...
My pal, Kim, has tagged me. Because of this, I must list the top 10 songs that are my favorite at this current time (not my top 10 favorite songs of all time). In no particular order they are:

“Listen to Your Heart” – D.H.T.
“Somewhere Only We Know” – Keane
“You and Me” – Life House
“Beverly Hills” – Weezer
“Everybody’s Changing” – Keane
“Runaway Train” – Soul Asylum
“All For Believing” – Missy Higgins
“Untitled” – Simple Plan
“Because of You” – Kelly Clarkson
“Don’t Lie” – Black Eyed Peas

So now I have to tag others that MUST fulfill these "having been tagged" requirements (as Kim put it). So, I think I'll just tag my cousin, Tricia (and anyone out there who may have the desire to be tagged <-- Is that playing fair?). So, go forth and fulfill your newly found duties.

Please Come Home for Christmas, Doggie.

2005-08-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

Will Ellie ever get to come back home, here again, to her dear mother and brother (Leo)? Where can I get a reputable animal caseworker (not a caseworker animal, that is different of course -- Which reminds me: I heard Simba and Nala went into case management together somewhere in Idaho)? Also, how can I keep my four-legged daughter from getting so bored here in the daytime? Animal Planet? Nah, cable is too expensive. Oh, and, she'll need a tutor. Hmm...

Hmm...

And...

Hmm, again.

What a Mess For: Pat Robertson

2005-08-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Recently, as you may have heard, Pat Robertson, the well-known Christian televangelist, called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. This left me asking a few questions:

(1) Is Pat Robertson really a man of God?

Only God knows for sure. However, we are in denial if we cannot admit that we all commit sins. The man said something stupid -- malicious intent or no malicious intent. However, again, that is no excuse for what was said.

(2) Should Pat Robertson have said what he said?

Although there are basic ammendment rights (not that I totally believe we always have them), what he said, regardless of underlying intention or mistakes, was actually a call to terrorism -- and nobody has the right to terrorism. This guy has a lot of influence over his viewers -- people must be careful. Maybe there is another way, besides murder(!), to avoid another $200 billion + war. Hmm.

(3) Are people like Pat Robertson a danger to the image of Christianity?

Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps as long as we are all sinners, we are all dangers. Perhaps not. What's best to be done about it?

(4) Should he continue preaching things like this (which, in the past, he has apparently said other stupid/risky things) to thousands and thousands of viewers? Should we weigh the good against the bad? Should we even try to judge it?

You decide.

The following is the link to a really interesting article written by Patti Davis, daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan, that appeared in Newsweek concerning the Robertson ordeal. I am not sure I agree with it one way or another, but I did find it interesting nonetheless: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9053644/site/newsweek/

Hitchin' It Up...

2005-07-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

My Friend...

This past Friday one of my very best friends, Shannon, married one of her very best friends, Shaheen, in a match made in Heaven!

Shannon getting help from Bridesmaids, Tami (left) and Anna (the third maid, me, was taking the pic).

I was blessed to be one of her three bridesmaids in the event. Although I had an incredibly terrible sunburn, with cute little strap lines from my swimsuit top, it was all still a blast!

Shannon was the calmest bride I have ever seen. The wedding took place at 7 o'clock p.m. on Friday evening. At a little after 5 p.m., less than two hours before the wedding was to begin, Shannon was laying flat in the middle of the dressing room floor -- not because she was passed out, or because she was having a nervous breakdown, nor was she in a drunken stupor, but simply because she said she wanted to "take a nap." lol. Whatever the case, she did get fixed up beautifully and got hitched that night!

Our Friendship...

It has been many years since I first met Shannon and she has always told me all these years, "You're going to be in my wedding." Well, it finally happened!

I first met Shannon in highschool but probably didn't realize it. She and I (and Anna) played on our high school tennis teams and our schools competed against each other. She and Anna told me that they were intimidated by me when I played their friend Jennifer (who also eventually played on my college tennis team) during a match against their school. The three of them thought that I was very snobby and kind of mean. The truth be told, I actually just got very into every match -- concentrating intensely. When we look at it now, we all laugh!

God works in mysterious ways...

During my final semester of highschool, I was accepted to attend and play tennis at Tarleton State University. Although this was a good thing, I was not truly happy about it. For reasons that I won't state here, I realized I did not want to play tennis there. So, I told that school "no thanks." What to do, what to do.

Then, one day, my highschool coach got a letter in the mail from the college at Weatherford asking if he had any players interested in coming out for a try-out. He told me about it and I thought, "Okay, why not check it out?" So, my parents and I met with the coach a few weeks later, I tried out, and then later heard they wanted me to play. I was very excited! Not only was I going to get to play tennis for them on scholarship, but they also wanted to give me a journalism scholarship, too. So, the deal was sealed, I took the scholarships and prepared for the long haul -- but who would my teammates be?

One day over the summer, at the JcPenney's in my hometown, God formally introduced me to Shannon. I needed a dressing room to try some clothes on and, who was the attendant to unlock a room for me? No one other than Shannon! We both noticed each other and she said, "You're Holly, right?" To which I replied "Yes." Then she said, "I'm Shannon. Our [highschool] coach told us you're playing tennis for WC." Then she said, "I am too!" It was so cool. So, we decided to meet up later that week -- she, Anna, Jennifer, and I -- and play each other. They had thought I was snobby and I had thought they were all really preppy, and potentially snobby, at the time. haha. Anyway, we all bonded immediately and were hanging out almost all the time.

The first night, though, that we all hung out together off the courts, was not the best...

In a nutshell -- The 4 of us met up in my hometown and set off to sneak into a club in Fort Worth (we weren't even the "clubbin'" type, so no tellin' what possessed us). Well, Jennifer got drunk (the only one to drink), passed out in the back of my car, threw up in my car, Anna cleaned the barf (God bless her heart), Jennifer was still passed out and, later, fell out of my car head first (still passed out). By the end of the night, I had gotten my car stuck in a ditch with the drunken Jennifer still passed out in the backseat. The tow truck driver, who came out during those wee hours of the morning to pull my car out, didn't charge us -- we assumed it was because either (a) he saw that we were young and probably had no money and had pity on us or (b) he saw Jennifer laying in the backseat as my car was tilted down in that ditch with two wheels off the ground (we had tried to cover her up somewhat) and thought we had a dead body back there. Who knows!

Anywho, me, Shannon, and the rest us us who had met rode out to FISH camp together. We bonded more that weekend and met the rest of our teammates during camp. I knew at that time that many of those ladies would be some of the best friends of my life -- and I was right! We've laughed together, cried together, and rejoyced together as sisters throughout the years. Now, one of us has gotten married and another one of us (Anna) is about to be married (Shannon and I, too, are bridesmaids in her wedding).

I have so much more to say but now my hands are getting tired so I must end this. Therefore, I would like to end with this fitting quote that somewhat describes my coming to know Shannon (and the other girls) some five years ago:

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen." - Unknown

Thoughts and Occurances Relating to the GODster

2005-07-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

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God is an odd bird. It's funny how a person can get to their wits end with Him and then, later, be perfectly content with Him.

For a good while now I have been somewhat worried about my relationship with God. I'd pray to God yet wouldn't feel He was there - I felt He was gone, permenantly. This sort of scared me -- I thought, "Well, I wasn't a good enough Christian so He must have abandoned me." I was even kind of angry at Him. Then I saw the light.

One thing I've noticed about myself is that I feel very uncomfortable expressing my religious beliefs in work and school settings. I've always felt that the two should be totally seperate (And, I still believe in the separation of church and state, btw!). So, when I began my internship this summer I felt odd when patients would talk about God to me -- but I always listen(ed). Then, there are my co-workers, but first...

One night I finally asked God...

"Won't you just show me you're still here?"

Not too long afterwards, after I had totally forgotten about my request of Him, He answered me.

Like an explosion, I began hearing my co-workers talk about God as well as more of my friends talking about their relationship with God. Because of this I had some really wonderful conversations with some of these people about God. Afterwards I began feeling His presence again and realizing that He had heard my request...

God is always listening, even when we choose to believe otherwise.

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Is there really such a thing as coincedence? I think not. Life has one big equation to it. It is algebra, live. Occurances are variables to plug into the formula. I challenge you to attempt linking events -- and ponder their occurance.

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Who's to say who's right...

Those who see "signs" or those who see "pure coincedence"?

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God is hard to explain...

But when you finally recognize and experience Him, He's hard to forget.

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What do you think? That anyone who confesses with their mouth that they believe in Jesus, and who truly believe in their hearts that Jesus died for their sins, is automatically saved. Or is there more to it -- perhaps that not all who cry "Lord, Lord!" will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. What is it? The world may never know.
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10 Things That Are On My Mind

2005-06-27T16:23:00.001-07:00

Tom Cruise is still cute but he also gets on my nerves. This is especially true with that Matt Lauer interview he recently gave.
I saw and visited with a TON o' patients today.
I have realized how important the simple act of smiling is. Just that one act can brighten another person's day significantly as well as improve relationships with people.
Kim is in Cabo right now. I wish I were in Cabo right now. If Kim is reading this, will she please get a little tan for me too?!
I had a dream I got stuck in the elevator. Then, today, I thought it almost came true.
If I got stuck in an elevator, I would probably scream and then, of course, sing song tunes until I passed out and the janitor found me.
Why have I put all my homework off until tonight???
Vannah White has the easiest job in the world.
My cousin went to Sonic this week. She remembered to press the little red button. I'm jealous.
I left some spaghetti in my car, in the heat, for 4 hours. I wonder if it's still good? Oh well. I've just eaten it so hopefully it was.

One Year Anniversary of Grandma's Passing

2005-06-22T23:22:00.000-07:00

My Grandma (1909-2004)

This week marks the one-year anniversary of my Grandma’s death. Therefore, I’d like to share with everyone a little bit about who this remarkable lady was during her time here on this earth. I believe it is well worth your read.

“To Know Vern Was To Love Her”

The above quote was said of my grandmother at her funeral. To know her was, indeed, to love her. She was one of those people a person could go to for just about anything. They never had to fear being judged, or having their secrets told, or losing her respect. She was like a living “Melanie Wilkes” from Margaret Mitchell’s famous novel, “Gone With the Wind.” A beautiful soul shining with integrity.

Growing up, I spent much of my days with my grandma. When I was in the first grade, my grandfather got really sick with cancer and the family decided it was best that he and my grandmother move into town to be near my mom (a physician) who could take care of him. They ended up moving right around the corner from us and there was even an alley that connected our homes. My brother and I spent most of the evenings after school over at their house. We were afraid of being at home with my dad when my mom was at work. My grandmother was our savior. In fact, she was the first person, besides my mom, whose shoulder I can remember crying on. Her words were always so comforting. That is how we really bonded.

My grandfather died when I was in the sixth grade. Grandma lived alone for seven or eight more years after that before she fell, in her early 90’s, and broke a hip, causing her to have to live in a nursing home. A funny thing, though, was that she also drove her car clear up until the age of 90! Finally, we just told her that her car was broken (though it wasn’t) and that she couldn’t drive anymore. She never once complained.

Her Early Years: The Sprouting of New Life Paths

My grandmother grew up as the daughter of a well-loved physician. In the early 1920’s she attended Texas Women’s University which, then, was a very private and elite school (and is still a very good school today). What was her dream? She aspired to become a physician just like her father. Her yearbook even referred to her as the future “Dr. Stevens.” Things were working out as she had been accepted into a prestigious medical school. Then, however, the unthinkable happened…

One day she received a call from a family member saying that her father had suddenly fallen ill after having been infected a few days earlier with an unsterilized syringe. She was told to come quickly because he wasn’t expected to make it. Shocked, she rushed to be by his side. Her father died that day in his early 40’s. She was devastated. He was her best friend. She was left with the responsibility of supporting her mother and two young brothers. Her dreams of going to and of affording med school were dashed. What did she do? She became a teacher.

My grandmother taught school for 41 years. What is so amazing about being a teacher is the amazing impact one can have on so many lives – impacts that are never forgotten. When my grandmother died in June, several of her former students turned out for her funeral. These were the people she had taught as first graders who were coming to her funeral when she was 94 years old. Imagine the impact she must have had on their lives! All spoke of how they loved her so. Remember, “To know Vern was to love her.” It surely was.

I’ll never forget my grandmother and the impact she had on my life. She was the only grandmother of mine that I ever knew. It was she who was the first person to tell me that saying “Oh my God” wasn’t a good thing (though I still slip and say it from time to time). She was the only elderly person that willingly watched “Night of the Living Dead” with me – and liked it! She was the first person to teach me that “A Christian must have faith, virtue, love, knowledge, self-control, and brotherly kindness.” God couldn’t have blessed me with a better grandmother. It was an honor to know her for the short 23 years that I did.

Me? Old at 23? Hmm...

2005-06-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

Nah. Not really, but sometimes I do think my senses are slowly fading as I age. ha ha. Let me explain --

#1
First, I've been noticing that I often have some difficulty hearing (not that I don't listen). I've found that when I am in a room where everyone is talking (such as at a party; loud restaurant; large gathering) and someone begins talking to me, I have a lot of trouble focusing my attention in on what that one person is saying to me. It's hard to sort out all the background noise. So, I don't know if that's more of a "hearing" difficulty or an attention one. Secondly, if someone is more than about 10 feet away from me and speaking to me it often sounds like they are mumbling. This happens to me quite a bit at my internship. It can be embarrassing sometimes because I'll ask the person to repeat and when they do I still don't hear it. There are various other situations where people sound like they are mumbling. Who knows -- maybe they all really are mumbling!

#2
My eye sight seems to slowly get crappier as the years go by. I've worn contact lenses sense high school (I think it was) and they usually work pretty good, though they can't make things perfect. Lately I've had to focus a lot harder while driving at night because, though I'm wearing my contacts, it has gotten harder to see at night. My mom says I need to be eating carrots and getting more vitamins (is that Vitamin D?). I suppose I should -- I just don't like carrots and I don't like taking vitamin pills! Also, I got some new contacts a few weeks ago that are my usual brand and prescription but for some reason they are a little blurry. Maybe the company messed up my prescription.

#3
Also, this has nothing much to do with the topic but -- I SUCK at reading lips!! Never have been able to master that talent. A person was trying to ask me something the other day during a staff meeting but I could not, for the life of me, interpret what she was saying. I felt really stupid. lol.

Anyways, just had to share. Maybe I'm on some Totally Hidden Video show where people are playing games to make me think I can't see or hear that well. How cruel those mind games would be!

P.S. Have YOU experienced any of these difficulties?

Totally Rude Customer Service

2005-06-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, on the way to my internship, I stopped at a gas station near my home. This is the gas station I typically go to since it is the closest to me. Now, I've decided, I'm never going back there again. Allow me to explain...

I am not one of those technologically advanced people -- you've probably seen my cell phone (Let's just say some call it my "Zack Morris" phone) . So, I don't use any kind of gas cards/credit cards to pay at the pump when I get gas. I do it the old fashion way. Pay the cashier with cash.

When I pulled up to the pump on Friday and selected my fuel grade, I literally stood out there for a little over 10 minutes waiting for the clerk to start the pump; business there was VERY slow (aka. very few customers) and very slow service wise (aka. slow customer service). How ironic. Still, my pump hadn't been started yet. I watched as the clerk chatted and laughed forever with a friend/customer there inside the station. This made me a little upset because I was in a hurry and had been there over 10 minutes just waiting to get a measly $10.00 worth of gas.

Finally, I decided I would go inside and just ask if I could go ahead and prepay. I reasoned that maybe she had just gotten too busy talking and didn't notice I was out there (even though she had started the other person's pump). Whatever the case, this would speed things up. So, I said very nicely, "Hi, I was just wondering if I can go ahead and prepay for my gas?" Then she clicked the button and switched the gas pump on and said, "Noooo honey you can't prepay" in a VERY whiny, sarcastic tone with a smart look on her face. She said, "YOU should have waited until I started the pump." Grrr! Trying not to complicate the matter, I didn't bother to tell her how long I had been waiting there for her to actually pay attention and START the silly pump.

So, she makes me go all the way back out, pump my gas, and then come back in again to give her my money. When I handed it to her she rolled her eyes, put a fake smile on her face, and said, "Oh GOOD!" (and that was it -- no "have a nice day" or "bye bye" or anything following that). I was furious and she knew I wasn't happy.

I am never going back there again. First off, that is lousy customer service. One should never say something like, "WELL, if YOU had just done this and not THAT..." to a customer. I don't usually get so mad like that but she really set me off. She had no excuse for treating me the way that she did.

Smart People Do Dumb Things, Too!

2005-06-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my cousin and I had quite the experience at Sonic...

My cousin and I got together in the late evening to go see the movie "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants," which is supposed to be pretty good. On the way to the movie we decided to stop at Sonic to get some burgers to sneak into the theater with us (you know theater food, it's sooo expensive!).

Well, we pulled up to the little stalls at Sonic where people order. It was about 9:50 p.m. We had 20 minutes until the movie was to start -- plenty of time. So, we decided what we wanted and got our change together and all that jazz. Well, it was taking forever for them to get our food out to us and we were beginning to get pretty angry with the lousy serivce. However, the place was crowded so we figured that was probably the reason. So, we waited, and waited. Finally, at one point, we got a pizza box out of the back of my car, opened it, and pretended like we were eating pizza. We figured that when the waitress girl walked up we would say, "We ordered a pizza while we were waiting on our food to come out,"... [hee hee hee]

Well, it came to be 10:10 p.m. and we were still there. We had missed our movie! That service was ridiculous -- we had been there a little over 20 minutes. So, we sat there for a few more minutes when, suddenly, a thought occured. I said to my cousin, "We did order our food, right?" and she looked at me for a while and then said "Yes;" and I agreed that we had. However, we got to thinking about it more and decided that we really couldn't remember if we had ordered our food. lol. So, we began laughing at the thought of it. So, fearing the worst, I did what anyone else would have probably done -- I pressed the little red order button for service...

A girl answered and, feeling really stupid, I said, "Hi, I can't remember if we ordered our food." Surely they must have thought we were high or something. ha ha. So, the girl said, "Uuh, you can't remember if you ordered your food?" I said that was correct. Then she went on to tell me that we hadn't ordered and she laughed. So, I ordered (even though my cousin wanted us to get out of there and spare us any further embarrassment). FINALLY -- we got our food! Though we did try to go to another movie we eventually decided to just rent one. Boy, what a funny, funny time we had last night!

I pray such a thing never happens again -- and I think I'll stay away from that Sonic for a while!